I'm pleased to announce that the Spin has undergone a significant re-design. The new Spin can be accessed here: http://www.dailypennsylvanian.com/spin. Please correct your bookmarks and let me know if you have any questions, concerns or suggestions.

Warmly,
David Lei
Daily Pennsylvanian Web Editor in Chief

Here are some examples:

The flurry of Wall Street Journal articles: From an article on waitlists to a feature on transferring, Stetson seemed to be guaranteed a say.

The shout-outs continued, from the Washington Post to the New York Times--again, in articles that did not focus on Penn.

As I became aware of this, my first move whenever reading about college admissions was to locate the Stetson quotes. Chances were great that I would find his words tucked in somewhere. Now, of course, that won't happen anymore.

Ours is the Quaker. It doesn't make sense to me--I assume the logic goes like this: Pennsylvania was founded by Quakers, and we’re the University of Pennsylvania, so we should be the Quakers, too.

On the surface that is sort of understandable, but it doesn’t get far. Not only was our illustrious founder, Dr. Franklin, decidedly not a Quaker, but our first provost William Smith actually published anti-Quaker pamphlets, one of which suggested "cutting their Throats." (Don’t you love old-time capitalization?)

So if we’re really going by the values of our founders, then we should be the Deists. The problem there is that since Deists don’t bring us oatmeal, no one really knows what they look like.

Then there's the nightmare of trying to run an athletic program named after a group of pacifists. Who can rally behind that? We want our mascot to inspire our athletes--to be the focal point of our excitement--but we're left with a guy known for shaking. The Quaker fails--we know that behind his stupid grin, he's really saying, "Let’s not compete."

The Quaker should go. Inertia and tradition are poor excuses for sticking with something which doesn't work.

I know it's one thing to diagnose a problem, and quite another to offer a solution. Tune in next time when I propose to do just that. I've thought of a doozy of a mascot, and I can't wait to share it.

Good news, everyone! Again dealing with the Penn paradox of too much smart and too much stupid in one person, we get to watch the fireworks as another prof goes through the court system (in this case, for re-sentencing). Apparently important neurosurgery research can only delay justice for a few years in this country. (Pre-med frat boys, beware!)

So we have sexual assault. We have do-it-and-import-it-yourself child pornography. I'm not one to force my skewed ideas of normality on anyone else, but is it too much to ask the people representing our elite institution to have sexual habits that are... oh, I don't know... legal?

Of course, the news right now shows a totally biased representation of Penn professors. (seriously, Google "penn professor blog" and see for yourself). There's really only one way to fix that.

Come on, Penn profs--dish a little. Someone write a letter to the editor, talk to a DP reporter, start a blog... I don't care how, but please convince someone, somewhere that you have legal, good sex. Between the GSOC and Physics departments, someone has to have done some great calculations about angles, momentum, and partner choice. No sodomy laws left to violate; there's all sorts of fun to be had! Please, for the sake of school pride and our entertainment, prove the DP wrong.

Most of us are discreet with our excuse notes, but for this unfortunate Princeton toolbox, his sick-letter got sent out to his entire CHE 341 class. According to Ivygate, the e-mail went as follows:

"Hello. I am e-mailing regarding the fact that I am unable to turn in the homework on time today, due to the fact that I had been plagued with illness since Sunday. I do not know exactly the cause, but the symptoms were extreme diarrhea and headache. If I attach a note from McCosh, will it be possible for me to turn in the homework by class this Friday? I am so sorry for this problem.

Yours, [redacted]"

Ouch. I hope none of my Penn peers would do such a thing. But, just in case, I thought a few sick-note pointers might come in handy.

1. Keep the details to a minimum. The professor does not need to know that you had the runs all night or how you contracted that nasty rash.
2. Let the professor know how you are going to make up for the horrible transgression of missing class. For example, state that you'll e-mail your assignment as soon as "you're feeling better."
3. Take heed to the infamous "Reply All" button. Little Miss Wharton Works-A-Lot doesn't need to know you're sick, especially when she sees you at Pottruck later.
4. And lastly when e-mailing your professor, don't ever do something like this.

Anyway, it goes without saying that anything with the line "You can deny the holocaust all you want, but you can't deny that there's something between us" is worth covering, but apparently, writing an editorial about Andy Samberg's genius isn't appropriate (who knew?). So here's your reward for venturing into Daily Pennsylvanian cyberspace.

Side note: Amazing how a ridiculous three-minute SNL video can do a more effective job of skewering the Iranian dictator than any number of words could.

Look no further. PennLink, always humiliating those of us looking beyond finance for a job, has really outdone itself this time. Check it out:

Hyatt Housekeeper/Room Attendant Santa Ana Pueblo, NM The Room Attendant is responsible for maintaining the cleanliness of the guest rooms assigned.

Maybe this guy will be your trainer:

But before you drop that resume like it's hot, make sure you meet Hyatt's stringent requirements:

• Must have the ability to lift, pull and push a moderate weight
• Ability to communicate to guests preferred

So in case you were wondering how tough bipartisan immigration reform will impact your job search, now you know.

If you are a Penn male looking to land hot chicks and are currently lacking a social life, you might receive a solicitation this week from the newest hustler on Locust Walk. New kid on the block Sigma Pi fraternity is looking for "A New Generation of Leaders" (i.e. non-sketchy dudes who like to have a good time and won't snitchto the police).

As a member of a social fraternity (full disclosure to readers) I am all for any organization that can instill in its members a sense of honor, brotherhood, and other preachy goals that fit well on a t-shirt. However, if forced to say what is lacking at Penn, fraternities don't come to mind.

According to Wharton senior Austin Pena, president of the Inter-Fraternity Council, Penn has 28 recognized chapters. With an average membership of approximately 40 men, with a wide range between 15 and 90, what's the point of adding another player to this crowded market?

Instead of diluting the Greek community, IFC should strengthen the ones already here. Were it up to me, I would block new entrants and consolidate the weakest chapters. As a result, fraternities would be larger and stronger like sororities, but minus the superficiality. As is, Sigma Pi will be IFC's version of the Charlotte Bobcats. But I could be wrong; not all expansion teams flop. Try telling that to the Colorado Rockies.

A Sigma Pi recruitment poster setup on Locust Walk