The Spin @ dailypennsylvanian.com

Boys of Penn -- listen up

Posted: Thursday September 6, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Keywords: Lindsey Stull

Under the Button

Well, there's always Mr. Vibrator.

Apologies in advance to the number of people who have already heard this public service announcement. That is, to my roommates, my friends, most people I've dated and anyone who sat next to me during a long layover in the Chicago airport.

I've done my best to spread the gospel, but it seems to be the kind of truth that the male ego can't quite handle. As a male friend of mine once said, "I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't heard it from so many girls."

Boys, brace yourselves - orgasm does not always equal all-encompassing pleasure and girls don't have to come for stuff to feel really, really good. We can have little orgasms that are barely blips on the radar and lose our ability to speak English without ever coming. Be jealous.

The bio nerd in me completely gets the confusion here. The human species' fate rests on male orgasm. You just can't get a girl pregnant without it. So it makes sense that guys think sex should naturally involve earth-shattering simultaneous orgasms.

But as it turns out, even though the vaginal wall contractions during orgasm help get the little swimmers where they should go (trivia alert!), we wouldn’t have an overpopulation problem if they were necessary. Evolutionarily, it makes sense that all men had to do was manage to get inside, which requires more power of persuasion than magical power to make women orgasm.

Uh, usually.

This urging works best combined with much kissing, caressing, and romantic whispering. Chocolate, good food, and/or G-spot stimulation recommended. These things make us happy. Sulking and whining about our lack of coming doesn't. Take note.

Usually, if your chick didn’t come but looked like she was having a damn good time, and she tells you that it doesn’t matter, then it doesn’t freaking matter. Insisting will just get you a bored partner with an impressive range of fake moans.

Sourcessay that around 70% of women can't reach orgasm through intercourse alone, and 10% of women have never gotten there at all. Penn's a pretty democratic place - listen to the majority.

So please, put in a good effort. Do your best. Do not send the women of Penn after me because you stopped trying. But for Pete's sake, stop letting your ego ride on someone else's impossible (or at least unlikely) climax. Put the energy into doing something more productive. Please?

Under the Button appears every Tuesday and Friday.

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people like you (and not your miscontrued facts) are the only reason that girls aren't reaching orgasm during sex. "Sources say that around 70% of women can't reach orgasm through intercourse alone". Apparently you don't understand that sentence. What it means: if guys rip your clothes off and jam their things inside you, you probably won't get an orgasm. It's not your fault though; most guys have a lot of misconceptions about what you want. But instead of telling them what you want, you brush it off with a "oh well, it happens to most girls". And this is why you are at fault for your own demise; this is why an extremely high percent of girls claim that they don't like it when guys go down on them. all your dumb little stat says is that 70% of chicks can't get off from rubbing the vaginal wall. a little more communication and a little proper foreplay is all you need to dissolve your sexual misgivings. P.S. your article is rife with other numerous logical fallacies that i am too tired to mention love,

- jf

lindsey stull is clearly a man. brilliant undercover work, "sis!"

- private eye

70% of women are having bad sex with guys who dont know what to do. That's why 70% of women dont have orgasms. Women who say they dont need orgasms to make feel really good stuff are trying to make themselves feel better. Sure it feels good, but orgasms are waaay better. So stop trying to tell guys that its ok to be lame in bed.

- the other 30% of women

Lindsey, I will prove you wrong. Hit me up baby!

- He who makes girls cum

What do you expect when you have a bunch of hollow "Sex and the City" wannabes (who are actually really inhibited) getting drunk and sleeping with guys who are more interested in bragging to their boys about scoring than the actual act?

- Yonas

the female orgasm doesn't exist. girls just don't know what men talk about when we say orgasm, because your body is biologically incapable of reaching an orgasm. plus, your vaginas often smell very bad. you just need to shut up and take a c*ck for the 5-10 minutes it takes for us to get off. okay, just pretend you like it so we can experience the most amazing physical pleasure attainable without narcotics.

- get real you dumb c*nt

Guys at Penn are so preoccupied with their own pleasure and with using the moves they've seen in movies (without having perfected them) that often times us females just pretend that you're doing it right to appease you. It's partially our fault, but instead of taking such insult boys, get real: most of you (probably closer to 50 or 60%) have no clue what the hell you're doing! Pull out a book, get a f_cking Cosmo, stop being so damn selfish and attempt to learn skills, so that next time you're in bed with a woman, she'll actually rave about your skills.

- -Jules

I lOvE kOaLa'S!!111!!!oneonetwo

- Margaret Thatcher

Lindsey Stull