This summer, a Time magazine cover story titled, “The New Science of Siblings,” revealed how our siblings shape our behavior. The article described how interactions with siblings prepare us for success in the workplace, in school, and in social and romantic situations.
“Aha! So that’s why I am unemployed, an average student and single,” I said to myself.
You see, I am an only child. What did the article say about only children? That we are doomed to forever be miserable failures at life. Well, not quite.
The article had a sidebar about only children, who are apparently now called “Singletons.” The sidebar asserted that while we are often stereotyped as maladjusted, needy and spoiled, these presumptions are not always true. Some only children do lead happy, normal lives. This reminded me of a public service announcement for people with a rare, but treatable disease.
 The normal family I never had (synergizedsolutions.com) |
Growing up, I never wished for a brother or sister. I thought that I was lucky compared to friends who had to compete with their siblings for attention. I had the full and undivided devotion of two parents, who thought I was perfect. My sibling-ed friends had to share toys, while I had the whole toy store.
I was pretty satisfied with the cards I had been dealt in life. But suddenly, the Time article got me thinking about all of the ways that being an only child was a terrible and irrevocable loss.
Not having siblings has its downside. No one learned how to drive before me, so I wasn’t allowed to drive alone for years after I was eligible. No one got in trouble before me, so it was hard for my parents to take it in stride–a minor experience with alcohol in high school convinced them that I was on a downward spiral toward death and dropping out. There has been no one to compare me to, which has had its good side and its annoying side.
But what I probably miss the most as an only child is that I don’t have anyone with whom to share the experience of growing up. “Our spouses arrive comparatively late in our lives; our parents eventually leave us,” the Time article said. “Our siblings may be the only people we’ll ever know who truly qualify as partners for life.”
I’m the only one who knows what it’s like to be the child of my parents, and I’ll be the only one to understand the loss when They’re gone. At certain points in my life, I’ve wished for the guidance of an older sibling or the opportunity to pave the way for a younger one. I want those life partners.
The upshot is that I am self-sufficient. I credit my only-child upbringing as a source of creativity, since I have spent so many hours trying to amuse myself. I’ve had to be fairly outgoing. So, at holiday parties, while I was cracking jokes with the adults, Salinger child-style, my five-year-old sibling-ed counterparts were throwing food at each other.
Although I’ll never truly understand what I’m missing out on, I think that being an only child had advantages and opportunities that are equal in value to the experience of having brothers and sisters.
They call me a singleton; I’d call myself an independent.
An RSS feed of The Spin is available