As we tiptoe perilously close to Election Day, us political animals hungrily anticipate the dirty plots strategically hatched to swerve campaigns into the ditch a mere days before we vote. Alas, it is the October Surprise, and no election comes without it.

In 2000, the Gore campaign’s exposure of George W. Bush’s DUI arrest in 1976 the weekend before the election drew the polls well inside the statistical margin of error. The revelation also could account for Bush’s losing the popular vote, though there is no evidence to support that.

In a season so hostile with so many vulnerable races, this country is wont to see a platitude of conniving, deceitful and undeniably entertaining surprises in this final week. Sen. George Allen, (R-Va.), led the parade when he leaked to Drudge and Fox News hypersexual passages from novels written by his challenger, Jim Webb (D-Va.).

There is this passage included in an Allen press release, from the book Lost Soldiers:

“…shirtless man walked toward them along a mud pathway. His muscles were young and hard, but his face was devastated with wrinkles. His eyes were so red that they appeared to be burned by fire. A naked boy ran happily toward him from a little plot of dirt. The man grabbed his young son in his arms, turned him upside down, and put the boy’s penis in his mouth.”

What?

Some Democratic critics say this bomb is sure to backfire, but I think it will work in Allen’s favor. The nature of the charge is salacious enough to keep the fury alive just long enough to allow Allen to run away with the lead.

There has long been speculation that the October Surprise at some point in Bush’s presidency would be the capture of Osama bin Laden, but that looks highly unlikely right now. These calls are more like Pearl Harbor conspiracy theories than the product of any real evidence. But that leaves every other possibility open. With eight days left now, we can expect high-scale derailment with great anticipation.

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