Yeah…That’s great, but you’re being, like, really unpleasant right now. I don’t feel like talking to you.
That’s what my friend Jenny thought to herself recently when chatting with a new acquaintance. Jenny is the happiest person I know. She doesn’t have it easy, either–in recent years, she has had more on her plate than most people ever will. But she has kept life in perspective at times when I have faltered.
A few years ago Jenny realized that most people communicate through complaining. When initiating conversation with others, people turn to commiseration and criticism, rather than compliments and cheerfulness. It’s a bad and incredibly easy habit. Since she’s told me this story, every time I catch myself bellyaching, I hear Jenny’s characteristic North California drawl and think, am I being, like, really unpleasant right now?
People want to tell you about their issues, and you should listen. And you should share your own feelings. Discussing your problems with a friend is probably better than any therapy. But every once in a while, stop to ask yourself if things are really so bad, or if you can let up on the doom and gloom for a few minutes.
Sometimes, I feel deep when I am talking about my angst-y life. Then I listen objectively and realize that I am Debbie Downer without the humor, or the audience.
If you are feeling unshakably unpleasant, CAPS is booked until after Thanksgiving. So get home safe, take care of yourself, lean on your family and get ready for the final stretch.
A new (and more positive) perspective is crucial. I am not trying to spread a vomit-inducing sweetness. But I am looking to avoid listening to another person tell me about how much life sucks.
As the semester is reaching peak pseudo-suicide season, there is a need to remember that life is real, challenging and good. Try telling someone about it, and you might begin to believe it yourself.
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November 17th, 2006 at 10:41 am
thanks for that article, chloe! with all my worrying about midterms and projects piling up, i needed to get back to reality and realize how thankful i should be to even be a student at penn.
November 20th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Just yesterday I was trying to tell someone very close to me that life is good (there’s a lot of junk, sure, but life really can be good). I hope she sees your article and takes it to heart.