Some of the more family friendly content on Boredatvanpelt, circa last night at 2 a.m

Monday night, 8p.m.

If you’ve never been to Boredatvanpelt.com, you’re missing out. And believe me, reading yesterday’s article in the Daily Pennsylvanian just doesn’t quite cut it.

After all, I’m bored at Van Pelt right now. So I arrived at the site expecting to find about five minutes of procrastination. Unfortunately, I started to write this a half hour ago. And instead of reading an article for my psychology class on Terror Management Theory, I’m learning lots of things about everyone else that is bored at Van Pelt.

For example, someone clearly wants us to know they have “pepperoni nipples.” And someone even cooler just posted, “any hot women wanna play PS3 with me?” A tip, my friend: the answer is probably no.

New favorite post, as of 7:18 PM: “only at a f**kin ivy league [school] would we continue to type sh*t out here, instead of actually getting some ass.”

My new goal is to find someone sitting near me that is posting. Every time I shamelessly check the window for a new post to make fun of, I’m absolutely petrified that someone will think I’m “horny gal,” who is currently making plans to “do it” at the button with another anonymous poster.

The amount of information people are willing to post under the blanket of anonymity really is unbelievable. After all, would you ever write something like, “I can stroke for you” if your name was attached?

But if Boredatvanpelt.com is too tame for you, according to IvyGate, much of the Ivy League has moved onto using Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters” site to arrange meetups during this (apparently) very stressful time of year. My personal favorite? The posting for a Harvard undergraduate orgy. This poster is very careful to warn us, “This ain’t going to be some 90s dance type affair. We’re trying to keep it good looking, peps [sic].”

This might all post a vaguely pessimistic picture of romance in the Ivy League, but all is not lost. Someone has now posted twice on Boredatvanpelt.com that he wants a girl to take to dinner. Unfortunately, his posts have been sandwiched between conversations that are so inappropriate (and, I’m fairly sure, quite illegal) that I can’t repost them here. Poor guy. I hope he finds a date. I’m just not sure Boredatvanpelt.com is the best place to find it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to return to the saga of the girl in a green shirt and jeans, who apparently missed her connection from a half hour ago. Although it’s looking like her study group is getting mad at her for leaving too often to hook up in the stacks.

I swear, you can’t make stuff up.

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