As I’ve columnized about before, I’m all for learning practical skills in college. Financial management, karate, chanting (no, seriously, it’s a real class). But there’s a very large gap in Penn’s offerings of practical courses: cooking.

As I’ve discovered this in the past year — since I started cooking dinner for myself on a regular basis — learning how to cook can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

It’s helped me lose a few pounds (definitely a plus), and I’ve saved huge wads of money by not getting constant take out from Greek Lady and Marathon Grill. Not to mention, it’s simply an fun, enjoyable experience (especially when cooking for or with my friends). But you can only eat pasta with marinara sauce and grilled chicken so many times. I wanted more!

So, when I was home over Christmas Break with little to nothing to do, I decided to give cooking classes a try. I enrolled in a two Saturday classes at the California Culinary Academy. It was fantastic: I learned how to make souffle and custard from real chefs. Inspired, I took one more class before my return: Grilling. Needless to say, I can cook a mean steak these days. And I still want to learn how to make more (and better) dishes.

But sadly, while Penn can take me how to read a balance sheet, program a supercomputer, get elected to political office or ponder the meaning of life, no class on this campus will teach me how to cook salmon filet or roll my own sushi. We’re a school that prides ourselves on a “practical” education, and few things are more practical or neccessary than cooking food. And even if our dear Whartonites will soon be hiring servants to prepare their caviar and raspberry glazed duck, that still forces the majority of us to rely on the Idiot’s Guide to Cooking.

Culinary classes deserve a place on Penn’s campus. After all, my main man Benny was the first person in the world to use electric cooking, when he killed a turkey by electric shock, then roasted it with the help of electricity. And, believe it or not, he even did it on the banks of the Schuylkill! But 250 years later, we don’t respect Franklin’s culinary visionary.

And if the lack of culinary schooling is due to a lack of facilities, why not partner up with the Restaurant School at 43rd and Walnut? We’ve got all the resources we need within eyesight of campus. A class on cheesesteaks, a class on Amish cooking — now that’s a way to sell the school to pre-froshes. Whoops, smells like my chicken is burning. At least that I can tell on my own, not thanks to you, Amy.

Drag star Vanessa Wagner (in the pict) will appear in “An Inconvenient Truth 2.0 (autobloggreen.com)

Tomorrow the city of Sydney, Australia will go dark for one hour, in a noble attempt to combat carbon emissions and raise awareness about global warming. Organizers of Earth Hour are advising their fellow Australians to switch off lights, turn off appliances, and unplug everything (darn standby mode!). The concept harkens back to the Facebook “Lights Out” campaign last February.

As excited as the “green” side of my brain is, I can’t help but be more interested in a certain event Earth Hour has planned for their hour of candles and flashlights: a reenactment of “An Inconvenient Truth”. In drag.

So, “An Inconvenient Truth” was a documentary. Rising sea levels, hockey stick graphs — I can’t wait for the reenactment of the hurricane footage. Also, Al Gore obviously put on a few pounds since he ran for president. Girl, I don’t think that pudge will look good with lipstick!

Lookin’ fine in the academic’s uniform. I think it’s a sign.

The University has declared an open season for potential faculty members. Hey you, Kate Moss, there’s a spot open to teach ‘PSYC 262: Body Image, Psychopathology & Treatment. Fancy it?

Kal Penn, who starred as Taj Mahal Badalandabad (no racial stereotypes there, phew!) in the college comedy epic Van Wilder, once said his dream was to “smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand.” Just like Donny Osmond, Amy Gutmann has made Kal’s ‘Great American Dream’ come true. He’s coming to campus in spring 2008 to teach “Images of Asian Americans in the Media” (go Taj Mahal) and “Contemporary American Teen Films” (which are essentially soft porn - could this be a possible cross-over for women’s studies?). Melissa Lamb once famously mouthed the words, “and Taco Bell might make you ill but my taco’s certified”–does ‘Taj’ have his first offer?

Anyway, the imminent arrival of Kal Penn got me thinking about who else could be brought to Penn to enrich us with their real-life experiences. With this new and innovative academic recruitment policy, the opportunities are endless; the world of Z list celebrities is our oyster. Screw “I’m a Celebrity (no really), watch me ice-skate”, come teach at Penn instead!

After pondering the options for countless hours, I came up with a couple of attractive options for future ‘professors’:

George W. Bush: ‘PSCI 275: Muslim Political Thought’. Who better to teach us than the man in the middle, the guy with the gusto, the imam himself? If he could find Penn on his satellite maps in the situation room. I think its right next to the elusive weapons of mass destruction. Alternatively we could offer him ‘PSCI 281-Intro to Democratic Theory’, although he might be better off taking that one himself.

Britney Spears: the opportunities here are endless for this distinguished and talented young lady, but I decided on ‘PSYC 125: Drugs, Brain and Mind’. Brit’s had a tough time recently — she followed in the footsteps of William Shatner only to discover the world of wigs isn’t so glamorous after all. When she’s not stepping out of limos, legs spread, no panties, she’s often found in a club about as sober as Jimmi Hendrix at Woodstock. Oh, wait. The girl has seen it all. And she’s a lover of the arts too, “I always listen to ‘NSYNC’s Tearin’ Up My Heart. It reminds me to wear a bra”. What better role model?

This is a new and exciting era upon which the University is embarking. No longer are PhDs and tenures the benchmark. No longer are we shackled by universal academic qualifications. All one needs to teach in the Ivy League are “experiences that make [you] uniquely qualified to teach.” Dubya and Britney certainly have those. Bring ‘em on!

White Dog Cafe owner (and philanthropist, entrepreneur, environmentalist — basically all-around person extraordinaire) Judy Wicks made the trek to Logan Hall last night to speak to Women in Leadership Series (full disclosure, I’m in the group). Her talk was brilliant but I was so distracted. I couldn’t concentrate — this petite, liberal, leader of the Philadelphia community looked so familiar but I couldn’t figure out why. Then I got it:

Were they separated at birth?

Penn Previews is upon us. Hill residents are frantically cleaning their rooms — hoards of “specs” (and their skillfully discerning parents) will descend on our campus this weekend and into next week., April 1st marks the official date for college admissions decisions. Students have one month to make their final choice. All applicants have one benchmark and one final question to answer, making up one more class of students united by the hyper-competitive college admissions process.

But Penn’s seniors are different than the high school specs in many respects — more experience, less disposable cash, and more spare time (which may or may not be just procrastination). But the differences go deeper– Penn seniors can enjoy their last weeks together in a culture relatively free from competition. Whereas high school seniors are competing over the same universities, Penn seniors pursue post-college plans at wildly different times and along widely different paths.

Sure, senior life is not free from stress– there are elite schools, elite companies, elite fellowships, and even elite cities for new grads. But it’s not like picking an undergraduate school. Comparatively, graduate schools are defined by individual departments, not by a ranking or the likelihood their basketball team makes it to the Big Dance.

As some of the high school students that roll through here in the next few weeks cram onto College Green for Convocation next fall, Penn’s seniors will begin fanning out across the country, and across the world. I’m excited that these too-close-for-comfort seminars, grueling upper-level courses, and professors who never quit pushing have developed my unique, specialized career interest. This culture of diverse pursuits affords an egalitarian sprint to the finish, where our own personal finish lines have little impact on friends running next to us.

The New York Times reported yesterday that Columbia has disciplined eight of its students for their role in the protest during a visit by Jim Gilchrist, founder of the anti-immigration Minutemen Project. The students stormed the stage in the middle of speeches by members of the group. Students at our more rebellious northern neighbor staged a demonstration even more ill-advised than Stephen Morse’s. Check it out:

Of course the “discipline” in question amounts to little more than a slap on the wrist — “warnings and censures [that] will be noted on the students’ transcripts for varying lengths of time.”
All this begs the question, what is Penn’s administration doing about our own free speech controversy?

Last week’s Finkelstein mini-scandal gave Penn a chance to enter the college free speech fracas.

I wouldn’t argue for discipline by the university, especially considering Columbia only took its course of action when its hand was forced by national media coverage. Penn is fortunate to have had its own firestorm constrained largely to the pages of the Daily Pennsylvanian (and The Spin), and following Columbia’s symbolic example wouldn’t accomplish anything.

Still, there is no reason President Gutmann or other members of the administration shouldn’t have weighed in on on the controversy. When a dispute of this nature, especially one that threatens to engulf an entire academic department, goes on for more than a week on a college campus, you would expect the leader of that community to make some sort of statement, token or otherwise.
The administration’s silence on the issue belies at best apathy and at worst a complete detachment from and disregard for the compelling issues affecting the community their supposed to be leading.

Sheldon from Manayunk

I have two goals I must fulfill before I leave Philly for the picturesque hills of Edinburgh in the fall. I need to procure a summer subletter (a fruitless endeavor, I know) and I’d also like to find cheap yet durable textbooks so that I don’t have to sink any more money into the Penn Bookstore. After perusing Craigslist in search of these items (and accidentally winding up on the “Casual Encounters” message board), I’ve realized something very important. I must accomplish these aims without interacting with the creepy people from this website, who refuse to accept that yes, I only want to buy their furniture, and no, I would not like to arrange a meeting.

Luckily for me (and you too, if you like to avoid virtual harassment), I heard about Campusdock.com, a website that’s geared specially toward college students. Sign up with a university e-mail address and you can navigate pages that pertain only to Penn. My favorite new pastime is happily coasting through pages and pages of cheap IKEA furniture that seniors can’t lug with them to New York next year.

Sign up and you’ll see — this site’s just as addicting as Craigslist, and there’s far less of a chance of acquiring a stalker named Sheldon from Manayunk who wants to help assemble your new chest of drawers.

With the arrival of close-to-record-high temperatures on Tuesday, Locust Walk looked more like the Atlantic City boardwalk, as girls debuted their summer wardrobes of cleavage-baring halters, butt cheek-baring shorts, and back-baring summer dresses. Two weeks after Spring Break, scarlet sunburns had finally settled into nice golden-brown tans, and girls were anxious to get rid of the leggings under their miniskirts altogether. I blushed for the sixty-plus professors who found themselves lecturing to groups of underdressed underclassmen. And I blushed for our lovely nymphettes.

But most of all, I pitied our poor undergraduate men. For the sheltered ones, their modest Orthodox Jew or Protestant Christian eyes simply didn’t know where to look. And the remaining majority of virile college boys simply ogled.

There are a lot of smart women at Penn who pride themselves in their strength and independence. I ask you, ladies, is this empowerment?

In his latest piece, Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Alfred Lubrano laments what he calls “rampant slut culture,” citing not only degrading women’s fashions but also women’s dating habits, claiming that college women are “aping” men when they engage in “soul-free sex” in lieu of “real relationships.”

Self-proclaimed “old-fashioned feminist” Roberta L. Hacker, in her Letter to the Editor responded in support of Lubrano, saying, “I wonder why others are not more vocal about the phenomenon, as it is not just a concern for ‘American Christians’.”

Lubrano and Hacker both conclude by saying that women must “regain the controls.” They insist on a battle of the sexes. But, here’s the problem: as long as they highlight the power struggle between men and women, they can only hope to prolong these gender wars. Lubrano and Hacker’s statements are counterproductive.

Rather, the focus should be on what womanhood means. Today, American women have more freedom than ever before to embrace their feminine beauty and sexuality. And they should. But it must be done in such a way as to complement, not eclipse, the feminine assets that go beyond biology.

During the interview portion of the Miss USA 2007 competition last Friday, Miss California was asked the loaded question, “Should a woman ever use her beauty to get ahead?”

My answer? Sure! (Realistically speaking, it’s almost inevitable.) But, “getting ahead” should never come at the cost of a woman’s dignity and integrity. After all, beauty comes in many different skirt lengths.

Peyton Manning, who led the Indianapolis Colts to victory in Super Bowl XL, addresses Irvine Auditorium last night. He said to the crowd: “I wouldn’t tell the owner of the Colts this, but I’d play for free.” (David Wang/DP)

Irvine Auditorium was filled to capacity yesterday evening. Students were almost spilling over both levels of the balcony. As the Superbowl XLI champion quarterback took the stage, the audience cheered and rose in a contagious standing ovation. Still, the NFL MVP managed to remains quite humble under his newfound omnipresent spotlight.

“I feel a little more comfortable here in Philly when people start booing me,” said Peyton Manning, quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts and keynote speaker at yesterday’s SPEC-sponsored event.

Manning was charming. But the success of his speech wasn’t because he was funny, or that he has an endearingly goofy smile. This star quarterback was a genuinely inspirational speaker, whose intelligence and honesty truly stood out.

“A long time ago, I decided to focus on the journey, not the destination,” Manning said. People often lose because “they never stop talking about how they screwed up the previous season.”

In every outlet of life, he stressed the importance of focusing on the present rather than harping on the past. At Penn, our type-A personalities may be overwhelmed by past errors and future possibilities, we should only aim to tackle our current challenges.

As a leader, “you have to have the confidence to know that you can be the difference-maker,” Manning said. Addressing “everyone in this room,” he discussed how “with great advantages come great responsibility.”

Clearly, Manning has fulfilled this “re, through his ongoing charitable efforts as the head of the Peyback Foundation. In his hometown of New Orleans and in Indiana, both Peyton and his brother Eli have improved the lives of so many disadvantaged children.

Yet humble as ever, the all-star quarterback incredulously remarked, “for some reason, they let me host Saturday Night Live.”

Peyton Manning was excellent choice as this semester’s SPEC Connaissance speaker, and his admirable qualities should become a standard criteria for future speakers at Penn. His contributions on and off the field make him a model worthy of emulation. Besides, how many people are able to throw a 53-yard touchdown pass?

Next season’s speaker — Tiki Barber, anyone?

Last year’s concert with OAR as the headliner took much longer to sell out. (DP)

The time was 1:28 p.m. As cascades of eager would-be ticket buyers lined up to guarantee their spot for Ben Folds, a petite brunette at the head of the line emitted a large gasp. “Sold out?!”

It was true. As the crowds parted, the Spring Fling banner on the walk could be seen emblazoned with those fiery, red letters. There was nothing to do but walk away (which most of us did without incident, save for the infuriated guy who couldn’t resist flicking off SPEC committee members).

Luckily, I had purchased my ticket this morning around 11, after reading the alarming news in the DP (sorry, shameless plug) that over half of the tickets had been sold. But for the rest of the Penn community (basically everyone except the fortunate 3,000), the only course of action now is to climb the fence of Wynn Commons or buy tickets from scalpers at outrageously exorbitant prices.

Perhaps no one expected the concert would sell out this quickly. After all, I remember buying my ticket for O.A.R last year nearly a week after tickets went on sale. And, as College junior and SPEC co-director Tony Rizzo says, “this concert’s ticket sales broke all the records.”

According to Rizzo, because of contractual obligations there will still be some tickets available the day of the show, though he doesn’t know how many. Still, 3,000 tickets for a community of 20,000? Seems a little low.

I realize that the 2005 Sonic Youth debacle sent SPEC’s expectations on a downward spiral, but this is Ben Folds we’re talking about. Wharton and Engineering senior Matt Mizrahi, co-chairman of the SPEC Concerts Committee, told the DP that it was evident that Ben Folds was a “favorite on campus,” as he was voted one of the most popular concert candidates by a survey SPEC conducted in October. Clearly, SPEC organizers understood that Folds would attract a lot of students.

As such, organizers should have anticipated heightened ticket sales and entertained the notion of switching venues. Artists used to rock out on Hill Field, then switched to Franklin Field in 2003, and finally to Wynn Commons in 2005. While Rizzo refused to discuss accommodation concerns, he says a change is something he’s “willing to consider” for next year.

Even without a change of venue, there are other ways to make sure as many students as possible can attend the show. Some students purchased up to ten tickets yesterday because there was no ticket limit imposed. And while I’m sure many of them were good-naturedly buying tickets for their friends stuck in class, I wouldn’t dismiss the idea that many students bought tickets to sell them at much higher rates.

For next year’s concert, organizers should discuss ways to increase the number of students who can enjoy the show. That way, when the banner on Locust reads “Sold Out,” 10,000 students can walk by unconcernedly, clutching their tickets in their hands.