After a total of 32 hours spent driving to St. Louis and back, my brain can’t process a whole lot. Luckily for you dear readers, I have just enough mental strength to impart to you the wisdom I gained from my pseudo-Kerouacian journey. Without further ado, I present to you the rules of the road trip:

1. Delegate responsibilities. Any successful road trip needs a driver, a navigator and a DJ at all times. Music is as essential to keeping a road trip on track as Google Maps.
2. As a corollary to the above rule, any members not fulfilling one of these roles has no right to criticize. No back-seat driving/Djing. Wait your turn and lead by example.
3. All local/regional-specific restaurants take precedence in pit-stop decisions. There’s no need to stop at Micky D’s or Taco Bell when you’ve got options like Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans. Cholesterol comes in many glorious forms, and it’s important to sample them all.
4. A) Any social commentary (e.g. Midwesterners are incredibly fat or Eastern Illinois is a God-forsaken wasteland) is best kept in the car. Public pronouncements of such views should be avoided at all costs.

   B) The same goes for political commentary. Restroom graffiti like “Deport Bush to Mexico so he can be with his friends” serves as reminder that Bush’s low approval ratings aren’t just from people who find him too conservative.

5. Under no circumstances should you attempt to ghost ride your whip.

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