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| Jim Cramer. |
Apparently talking about the markets is the newest surprise trend sweeping college campuses across the nation. In his latest college-edition of the Mad Money: Back to School Tour, market maven Jim Cramer pitched a flurry of investment ideas for Penn students. Here are his picks:
Buy:
Pre-freshman girls: Since they aren’t public yet, buy September call options. By the time NSO hits, they will be “in the money.” Pick up January puts to hedge out the risk they gain the freshman 15.
Senior men: Ladies, here is your last chance to find the next Donald Trump before he hits the real world and realizes state school girls are prettier.
Adderall: Buy ahead of the finals studying season when demand will be high.
Penn: Rumor has it private equity firms might spin-off Wharton to unlock more shareholder value.
Freshman-year textbooks: As freshman dump their old books during move-out, buy the ones you know next year’s class will pay nose-bleed prices for.
Sell:
Penn cultural performance groups: Despite the names, they all play black music.
Sophomore Huntsman students: Sell now before they come back jaded and with a wimpy French accent after a semester abroad sight-seeing.
Junior M&T students: Their egos will be crushed this summer when they realize having a degree in Systems Engineering does not help you pick a stock.
Alcohol: Pre-Fling inventories are at record highs in the Quad and prices have no where to go but down.
Cocaine: Sorority rush is over and demand should gradually decrease until summer.
A cappella Groups: Rumor has it McKinsey will consolidate all the bad ones into one good one.
UA: Investor confidence is low because everyone realizes their public statements are meaningless.
Hold:
Fling concert tickets: Wait to see the lottery results before you decide to buy more.
Your freshman year GPA: Hold this if you can. It will never be as high ever again.
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April 10th, 2007 at 10:11 am
This is hilarious! Nice job. I give a buy rating to your blog.
April 10th, 2007 at 10:33 am
This is great. What’s more ridiculous: the use of the Buy/Sell/Hold analogy with Penn things or the fact that Penn students unerstand what this means?
April 10th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Simeon, get your face on the header up top. Funny, funny post.
April 10th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Pre-fling alcohol inventories can never be high enough, so buy, buy, buy!
April 11th, 2007 at 2:05 am
You’re starting to resemble your idol.
gnight sleepy head.
ps. you should start your post how shawn started his…
April 11th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Haha great post Simeon, my favorite so far. Looks like they’re letting you post more than every other Friday now.