As an English major, I make it my business to spot split infinitives, dangling modifiers, and mixed-up homophones. Yes, I’m that obnoxious grammar maven, red pen in hand, ready to pounce on the poor fellow who can’t keep his subject pronouns and object pronouns straight. But, it looks like we English majors aren’t the only ones passionate about correct grammar. The last time I checked, the Facebook group “I judge you when you use poor grammar” was hovering around 130,240 members.

New York Times columnist Dick Cavett is also attuned — perhaps painfully so as the son of two English teachers — to the misuse of the English language in America today. In his February debut column “It’s Only Language,” Cavett catalogues some of the linguistic faux pas that drive language purists crazy (at the top of the list, the mispronunciation of the word “nuclear” as “nuke-you-lur”), concluding, “Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought.”

Ignoring the flagrant political talking points peppered throughout the piece, I was initially inclined to applaud Cavett. Not only do I admire his clever, witty writing, but I also agree that the ability to speak proper English is an invaluable skill. And there are a lot of Americans out there who feel the same way. The article generated a whopping 770 reader comments, the majority of which, to my surprise, sang Cavett’s praises and listed their own grammar gripes.

Yet, even as I champion the use of proper English, I realize that there are limits. Despite our best efforts, the linguistics of prescription (how people should speak) and the linguistics of description (how people actually speak) will always be at odds. American English as we know it is a lovely jumble of Spanglish, Franglais, Chinglish, Konglish, Ebonics, etc., featuring hundreds of dialects and registers across the country. Valuing the power of language means appreciating its richness and variety, its dynamism and flexibility. After all, the best speakers and writers break the rules all the time. Heck, the Bard himself always made up new words.

When all is said and done (no pun intended!), these word wars should be about effective communication. (Many archaic grammar rules seem to hinder communication. Not to mention, asking, “To whom are you talking?” makes you sound like you have a large stick up your derriere.) The source of our miscommunication goes much deeper than nouns and adjectives. Contrary to what Cavett suggests, knowing the difference between “nuclear” and “nuke-you-lur” isn’t going to solve our communication troubles.

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