Under the Button
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| She clearly hasn’t read my list. |
We’ve all done it. Woken up early on a Saturday morning, hair tousled, breath that probably counts as a form of chemical weaponry, half- (or fully) naked, with the realization that you don’t recognize those walls. Then, of course, you roll over. Someone’s looking at you from the other side of the bed. And you know that you have a Walk of Shame rapidly approaching.
My male friends never seem to mind this situation; between the lower standards for male grooming and the wonderful double standards about female sexual activity, all they need is a strut and a smile to be on their way. Penn women, on the other hand, know that we’ll see everyone we’ve ever met, including professors, future employers, and random exes, during that never ending walk.
So here I present you the Walk of Pride Kit, full of useful schtuff to calm that moment of panic. A friend suggested that I hang out on Locust at ten a.m. on a Saturday morning to get the scoop from real live Walk-of-Shame-ers, but, luckily, I’m not quite that mean. (Or, fine, awake and coherent at that time of morning.) Thank your favorite deity.
Without further ado:
Mini mouthwash - because it’s weird to bring a toothbrush.
Travel hairbrush - because complicated Friday night hair will not last the night
Cute flats - because the heels always give it away.
Ipod - because then you look like you actually want to be awake and dragging your ass across campus.
Mini deodorant - because dancing and sexing all night probably did away with your ladylike fresh scent.
So there you have the basics. This should all fit in a medium-sized purse - as useful as it would be to fill a rolling suitcase with a full change of clothes, shampoo, and every beauty product you own, it’s pretty hard to pass that off as a party accessory. Throw back some mouthwash, change your shoes, and walk across campus with your head held high - after all, whoever might be judging you certainly didn’t have a night as good as yours.
Under the Button appears ever Tuesday and Friday.
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September 18th, 2007 at 1:26 am
You dumb shit! You say “wonderful double standards” like it is something reversible, an unjust societal installation, when actually the double standard is a deep-rooted psychological mechanism that is a product of evolution and real physiological differences between men and women.
Why do you have to be such a giant whore all the time anyway? Any girl who packs her purse for a night of fucking a guy they’ve never met has serious problems. Why don’t you go on ONE DATE or something first? I don’t know who you think your audience is, but get a grip: almost all girls aren’t as slutty as you.
September 18th, 2007 at 5:55 am
the fact that you would care if someone is judging you casts suspicion upon the entire lifestyle: if you honestly believe that fucking a (presumably) random guy is okay, then dismissing the judgments shouldn’t be a problem. if you want to avoid them, get a cab.
September 18th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Your articles suffer from “Sex and the City Syndrome.” You think that over sexing your work is liberating but instead it only contributes to making you come off as having nothing better to offer.
September 18th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
it’s a sex blog you fool. every college paper worth a damn has one.
lindsey, i loved your article. keep em coming!
September 18th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Miriam Datskovsky covered this…not accusing you of plagiarism just unoriginality. “Stride of pride” sounds cooler.
And this would more compelling if we believed you actually had that much sex.