Caroline in the City

Wouldn’t you watch this?

It seems as though some sort of reality television show is always playing in the common room of my off-campus apartment. Whether it’s watching Lauren and Heidi duke it out on The Hills, voting for our favorite Dancing with the Stars contestants, or rooting for the chubsters on The Biggest Loser, watching such classy television has become one of our favorite outlets to escape the harsh reality of Penn. While we mostly find ourselves unable to relate to the people we watch on the tube, IvyGate has recently revealed that one up and coming reality TV star is an Ivy Leaguer just like us.

Yale junior Victoria Marshman will be one of 13 contestants to participate in this season of America’s Next Top Model, which premieres this Wednesday at 8 p.m. on the CW Network.

“Marshman found out at the beginning of May that she had made the final cut for the show, right in the middle of finals week,” the Yale Daily News
writes. She shot the show over the summer and has since been on strict watch by the CW network to ensure that no secrets from the show are leaked until the final winner is announced.

Why would such a student want to try out to become a reality TV star? Claiming she auditioned “as a joke” and her audition was “completely last minute,” Marshman is sure to clash with some of her more high-maintenance castmates. Additionally, Marshman claims that she has absolutely “no interest in fashion,” something she believes will set her apart from the other contestants.

Undoubtedly this Ivy League girl is sure to stir up some sort drama with the other girls who may find her elite education pretentious or intimidating. Marshman could become the next Elyse Sewell from Season 1 of ANTM whose rant on the “vapidness” of her fellow contestants landed her 16th on E!s 100 Most Outrageous TV Moments. The cutting room also has capabilities of turning hundreds of hours of footage into five minutes of monsterlike behavior. Regardless, I know I’m excited to see one of my peers shaking things up on the small screen.

While it seems like an anomaly that an Ivy League student would participate in such a lowbrow television genre, she is certainly not the first. Ivy Leaguers, including Penn’s own Patrick Maloney, have been reality TV stars on such hits such as Road Rules and Survivor in years past. Certainly, the media sees something in the Ivy League students’ behavior that makes dramatic television.

So tune in this Wednesday to see whether or not Victoria will be portrayed as the bitch or the brains she may or may not deserve to be.

Caroline in the City appears every Wednesday and Friday.

Common $ense

It’s the second Thursday of the month, and back by popular demand is another edition of Buy, Sell, and Hold, where I provide the Penn community with much needed investment advice.

Buy:

The Spin (shameless plug): Not satisfied with the Wall Street Journal? Rumor has it Rupert Murdoch is bidding for the entire Daily Pennsylvanian to add to his empire. I look forward to being part of the Fox News staff. Now that’s what I call journalism!

Wharton Class of 2010: Considering about 20 percent of them got caught cheating on the OPIM 101 project last semester, they have definitively proved that Wharton students do know how to share. Thanks, guys, for killing the nasty stereotype that you’re cutthroat. You made me look like the prophet Nostradamus in my NSO guest editorial where I touted your collaboration.

Fire extinguishers: From 39th and Delancey streets, to 41st and Walnut streets, all the way to Hutchinson Gym, these random fires and explosions have made Penn seem like the set of 24.

Pottruck gym memberships: Thanks to Britney Spears, women across campus got a startling reminder of what happens when you get lazy and stop working out.

Business fraternities (All): Talk about vertical integration - kudos to you all for finding a way to roll up every single negative Wharton stereotype into one organizational structure. Brilliant!

Obviously this guy took my advice. (Photo by Chris Poliquin)

Sell:

1st semester freshmen who join business fraternities: I hate to break it to you, but acting like a tool and being hazed in public venues will not make you more attractive in the eyes of that Morgan Stanley recruiter.

Seniors with good job offers who are still recruiting: Getting more than one offer letter does not make you “hardcore.” Just sign your offer from JPMorgan and call it a day.

Readers who post nasty comments on DP blogs: Catching a small typo in an article does not give you the right to start cursing someone’s mother. If you think you are so clever, why don’t you just apply to be a writer?

DP print columnists: I don’t really have a good reason, these guys are actually damn good writers. It’s just that everyone loves a good old-fashioned rivalry and they’re an easier target than the sports section.

Hold:

Your remaining dignity: …for those of you who lost most of it during NSO. Friends make fun of me for being an early riser, but it is prime time to watch many walks of shame.

Look for my next installment, one month from now.

Common $ense appears every Tuesday and Thursday.

Beckstreet’s Beck (Alright!)

I mean come on — the chick has dreads. (Source: Creative Commons)

SPEC recently announced its fall speaker. To quote The Little Rascals, my reaction was a dispirited “Whoopi.”

I’m not in the camp that thinks Penn should only bring in political speakers, but as long as they pick an entertainer it should at least be someone relevant to the student body. Granted, Whoopi Goldberg has won an Oscar, a Daytime Emmy, a Grammy, and a Tony Award. But that was years ago. Her most successful movie role in this decade was a supporting part in Rat Race.

The only thing Goldberg has recently been in the news for is her horrendous commentary on Michael Vick on her very first day of The View . Did you know it’s not unusual for Southerners to wet a dog down before they electrocute it? Kids in the deep South just love sitting around eating blueberry pie, singing Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah while the girls crochet dog nooses, and the boys use their little tool kits to build puppy rape stands. I might attend just to see if she’ll give me any more cultural lessons on the Chinese.

The ticket lottery for the Goldberg speech ends on Sept. 28, but don’t get your hopes up. The Daily Pennsylvanian shows just how palpable the buzz surrounding Goldberg’s appearance is.

College junior Liz Wayne told the DP she wants to hear Goldberg talk about “her career…as a pretty good actress.” When you have to use ellipses and the best quote you can get is ‘eh, she’s a pretty good actress’ you know you have a winner.

Beckstreet’s Beck (Alright!) appears every Tuesday and Thursday.

BeatNick

I did not have sexual relations with that donkey. (Source: Creative Commons)

In the midst of the Larry Craig scandal, I never anticipated Arlen Specter coming out of the closet.

The Democratic Party’s closet, that is.

To recap: in June, Larry Craig, the Republican senior senator from Idaho, plays footsie in a Minnesota bathroom with the man in the adjacent stall. That man is an undercover cop. Craig pleads guilty to disorderly conduct and vehemently denies being gay. No one believes him and his Republican colleagues call for his resignation, which he turns in September 1.

Case closed, right? Not quite. Just as it’s dying down, Arlen Specter rekindles the scandal by publicly encouraging Craig to fight the case and reconsider his resignation. To the dismay of his fellow Republicans, Craig listens and files to withdraw his guilty plea, ensuring that the controversy will remain in the headlines for months to come. Democrats and the media rejoice.

It’s a move so damaging to the Republican Party that there’s only one possible explanation:

Arlen Specter is not a Republican at all.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying that Specter isnt right. He was a prosecutor, and he knows the law as well as anyone. You could definitely claim that Craig didn’t actually do anything illegal. You could contend that Craig’s arrest was unconstitutional. You could say that Craig’s guilty plea is invalid because it was made under extreme emotional duress. These arguments are legitimate, but they’re all tangential to the key issue.

By defending Craig, Specter has betrayed his party. And by encouraging Craig to withdraw his resignation, Specter has initiated a process that will haunt the GOP when elections come a year from now. Along with the presidential race, 34 Senate seats are up for grabs. 22 of those are currently held by Republicans.

If Larry Craig has found a friend in Arlen Specter, so too has the Democratic Party.

Just come out of the closet, Arlen. We know.

BeatNick appears every Monday and Thursday

Editor’s Note: The Spin regrets the error made in referring to the involved police officer as an FBI agent. The error has since been corrected.

A Nick at a Time

A tree falls into Walnut Street last year during a storm. (Photo by Nick McAvoy)

Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Rainy Day

Longfellow’s prediction was literally fulfilled on Tuesday. Following glorious weather for move-in and New Student Orientation, our fair campus was visited by its first sustained rainfall.

As the poet said, rain must fall. However, as inevitabilities go, few things are more bothersome to the Penn community.

“The rain isn’t something I go for,” said college junior Luis Gomez. “I avoid going outside…I don’t wear flip flops.”

College senior Carlos Hernandez shared in Gomez’s dislike. “It feels heavy,” he said. “I end up looking at the ground a lot.”

Such inconveniences are basic and don’t usually grace our thoughts. Like it or not, we are unable to separate ourselves from the natural rhythm of precipitation.

That makes rainfall somewhat unique. We live in a city, where plants exist where we want them. With a caffeine fix never more than half a block away, sleep is a luxury. Whether our meals come from Hemo’s, Aramark or even Stouffer’s, we need not be bothered by preparation. Our time is to some extent free from natural constraints.

But rain makes everything slow down. I’m unable to ride my bike to class, and I’m forced to look at everything I usually cruise past - I take a trip down Locust Walk instead of Spruce Street, taking time to think, get flyered, and see people I would otherwise miss.

As for the rest of the world, traffic grinds to a halt. Pedestrians march in silence under isolated umbrella canopies.

And nature? Grass glows greener. Birds sing more loudly. The land greets its needed refreshment.

We strive to minimize the inconvenience which our bodies and the natural world cause us. But is such divorce wise?

Life at Penn ranges from mildly to extremely stressful. Part of this comes from committing to so much that physical needs become our last priority.

If you feel that those ends justify the means, then go for it. But if you’d like to live a more peaceful existence, consider becoming more in tune with life’s rhythms.

When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re tired, sleep. And when it rains, enjoy the chance to slow down.

A Nick at a Time appears every Tuesday and Thursday

A Shot of Hennessy

Sure it looks harmless…

Moving in freshman year, my parents were relieved to find that there was a grocery store of apparently high quality nearby. Little did they know that the fancy facade was merely a cover-up.

Sure, there’s the fact that it’s close to campus. I’ll admit, when I need mixers at the last minute, it’s nice to know Fro-Gro will probably be out of Sprite Zero, but they will have cranberry juice. And it’ll only take 25 minutes to purchase said juice, as you wait in line for the cashier to decide to stop having a conversation and start ringing up your items.

I’ve had better service at the DMV.

The love affair is over. After two years of grossly long lines, poorly stocked shelves, terrible produce and tiny aisles, I’m sorry Fro-Gro, but you are out of my life. What little hope I had left vanished with my last trip, as I walked out with two measly bags of groceries that set me back 40 bucks.

If you’re as fed up as I am with Fro-No, let’s force them out of business by giving our cash to other, worthier establishments - none further than a quick SEPTA bus ride away.

Trader Joe’s, located at 2121 Market Street, is a favorite among those who love cheap, yummy and healthy food. With a wide selection of delicious prepared food as well as great quick frozen dinner options, TJ’s is perfect for the college student on a budget (and a diet). I’m hooked on their Trader Jose’s Salsa ($1.99!).

How to get there? Just take the 42 bus from 40th and Spruce and hop off at 22nd and Walnut. If you’re feeling adventurous - or just cheap - walk (duh).

Supreme Foodmarket, located at 43rd and Walnut, might seem too far west for some, but with what Philadelphia Weekly calls a “staggering array of international foods,” Supreme may soon win over the foreign students here at Penn who prefer their homeland cuisine. A sweet deal - they’ll also deliver groceries to your door for free.

Whole Foods also has a location downtown, at 929 South Street. A bit more upscale and with many more organic choices than The Fresh Grocer, Whole Foods has something for even the pickiest college student.

Offering cheaper items like the “365 Everyday Value” products which provide an inexpensive way to buy organic, Whole Foods also carries many higher-end products you won’t find many other places, like grass-fed meats and high quality cheeses.

The 40 bus will take you right there from 40th and Market streets,
or University City Station.

So don’t lose hope, fellow Quakers. Leave the Penn bubble and you’ll be pleasantly surprised–grocery shopping doesn’t have to be this painfully mediocre. I promise.

A Shot of Hennessy appears every Monday and Wednesday.

Dear Danny

And you thought I was exaggerating (Photo by Dan Brickley)

Six days since the start of school, and my walls are still pretty bare. A Panic! At the Disco poster hangs on one; another remains completely empty. My sheets don’t match my roommate’s and we never really got around to buying a bigger rug.

Dorm decor emergency!

When I read this article in the Philadelphia Inquirer (now archived, you’ll have to read it here), I couldn’t help but laugh. Communicating, months before college even begins, to compare color swatches and room themes seems a little ridiculous to me.

I can imagine the conversation going somewhere along these lines.

“Ohmigawd, Becca, we are going to have, like, the sweetest dorm on campus!”

“Ohmigawd, Suzie, I, like, totally agree!! Should we go with Moroccan Desert Island or Bohemian Paris of the 19th Century?”

“Ohmigawd, Becca, you are, like, a total genius. Let’s do both!!!”

“Ohmigawd, Suzie, you are the genius. Let’s go buy shoes!!!!”

…

Or you could decorate the way my roommate and I did.

“I have these posters from last year.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want one on your side of the room?”

“Sure.”

“Which one do you like?”

“I really don’t care.”

“Ok, take this one. Let’s go play Ultimate.”

Now, our dorm may not look as homey as Becca’s and Suzie’s, but we didn’t waste cell phone minutes talking about it, and we didn’t spend money buying potted plants that could conceivably be found on a Moroccan Desert Island. And that has made all the difference.

Dear Danny appears every Monday and Wednesday.

Caroline in the City

Come on - haven’t you ever wanted to sing and dance?

I’ll admit it–I am a fan of High School Musical In fact, I even Tivo’d the sequel when I was unable to tune in for the big premiere on August 17. I secretly listen to the soundtracks that my sister bought, and I’m genuinely excited when I hear the latest scoops on Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.

That’s right. I’m a 21-year-old senior in college who enjoys watching a Disney Channel original movie about high school kids who dance atop cafeteria tables and bust out in song while bouncing basketballs.

This can’t be normal–or is it?

High School Musical was the No. 1 watched cable television program of all time, with 17.24 million viewers. While I’m embarrassed to admit to my peers that I am a constituent of such a demographic, I am guessing that I’m not the only one who has such a penchant for the new Grease of this generation. The whole High School Musical craze got me thinking: do kids like this actually exist?

These bubbly children may not be as uncommon as one might think. In fact, some of them may be right under our noses, singing and dancing their way through college life. While I have not been involved with any arts programs on campus, I had the pleasure of living in the Arts House residential program my sophomore year.

At first, I was wary of my living arrangements in Harnwell College House. At all hours of the day and night, I would come across my hallmates unabashedly belting out ballads in the lounge or having old fashioned piano parties on a Saturday night. When I returned home to my dorm every night, I felt like I was immersed in a different world, a world where these kids could relish in living life like a song.

These kids, most of them majoring in fields unrelated to the arts, find solace in their musical hobbies. Most of them are involved in performing arts groups on campus and undergo rigorous studies from all four of Penn’s schools. They are confident individuals who have undoubtedly enhanced their Penn experience by living in a nurturing environment in which all kinds of artistic creativity is embraced.

So while these kids may not be living exactly the same lives as Efron’s and Hudgens’s characters on the Disney Channel, they surely are embracing their unique selves and maybe even dancing on a few tables every once in a while.

Caroline in the City appears every Wednesday and Friday.

Under the Button

After all, this is all we really are.

My friends say that I ask for people’s sexual histories before I know their last names, which is probably true. In my own nosy way, I’ve gotten this story more than once, and I think it needs to be told.

The first few (okay, many) times people find themselves in a situation requiring any degree of bedroom nudity, they often seem to do the same thing without knowing it. They crawl under the covers, fully clothed, turn off the lights, remove any necessary articles of clothing, and throw them off the side of the bed. That way, they can enjoy the fun without the other party ever seeing something shocking, like small breasts or stretch marks Something not pre-approved by our cultural censors.

To those of you with high self-confidence and perfect body image - and I know you exist; you work out next to me - this probably seems like overdoing it. To the rest of us, male and female and everything in between, it seems like a great method to avoid displaying our flaws, real or imagined.

Considering the number of airbrushed images that assail us every day, it’s not surprising that those of us without corrective surgery” might not want to put ourselves on display.

I’m not going to lie; I’ve had this crisis of self-confidence. After I’d realized that he was sticking around regardless of lipid deposits, the guy I was seeing mentioned my shyness. He thought it was cute. And totally unnecessary.

After some contemplation, I came to the somewhat belated conclusion that he was right. If you’re in bed with someone, they’ve probably X-rayed you through your clothes anyway; they have a general idea of what they’re going to find. Not to mention the illogical hope behind “if I can’t see it, I can’t feel it.”

Everyone’s self-conscious sometimes. I propose the bedroom as the first place to let that go. Whether with a long-term partner or a one-night stand, undress proudly, I say! No matter your physical quirks, whoever is lying there next to you wants to know them.

Or is too drunk to notice.

And, well, you’re at Penn. It’s possible that your partner likes you as much for your mind as for your less-than-rock-hard abs. He or she would almost definitely rather spend time with you than in Van Pelt, big tits or no. And there’s much less “Oww, that was my eye!” with the lights on. So sit back, relax, and let the well-lit fun begin.

Under the Button appears every Tuesday and Friday.

Common $ense

Yeah. It happened. (Source: Daily Blabber)

Everyone thinks they can call a “bottom” - that precious moment when the sky is at its darkest before the dawn of a new day, rife with endless possibilities. Such was the sentiment leading up to Britney Spears’s performance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.

And then this happened. (Editor’s Note: Originally, this link led to an actual video of Spears’s performance–unfortunately, this video has since been taken down due to copyright laws.)

When I witness such a train wreck, the compassionate child in me laments a tragedy. It pains me to see the preeminent musical talent of our generation humiliated yet again as billions of fans pray for her renewed success.

As for the writer in me, I live for this stuff.

Just as those who thought Britney Spears’s career couldn’t fall any lower were proved wrong on Sunday, the same was true for equity investors who falsely believed we had seen the worst of the market’s troubles.

A pimp named “Volatility” delivered the market a proverbial bitch-slap as evidenced by Friday’s 1.69 percent decline in the S&P 500. The decline in U.S. jobs for the month of August caught many by surprise, signaling the economy was indeed weaker than we had previously thought. It turns out calling a bottom is trickier than it seems.

Monday’s cover of the Wall Street Journal describes some interesting research done by analysts trying to forecast the end of the current credit crunch. Using fancy formulas and a bunch of other stuff you probably haven’t used since Math 104 (or 103 if you are “special”), they’ve theorized that heavy selling is a signal of an upcoming rally in stocks.

To that I say, who needs numbers. Why not use Britney Spears to pick the bottom!

Spears’s dreadful performance has shown us that the first step to recovery is letting people know exactly how bad things are. Like the fallen pop princess, financial institutions will be closely watched later this month as they have their own respective coming out parties. When the big banks such as Goldman, Morgan, Lehman and friends hold conference calls to announce their earnings, the world will see firsthand how well the experts held up in this rocky environment.

Regardless of the Federal Reserve’s upcoming decision, I suggest people stick to individual stock-picking and withhold judgment on the state of the broader economy until after the big investment banks report earnings. Unlike Spears, giving birth to two kids will not be an adequate excuse for failure.

Common $ense appears every Tuesday and Thursday.