Common $ense
It’s the second Thursday of October and that can mean only one thing.
Buy
‘you a drank: Now you got that money in the bank, celebrate the end of job recruiting. Didn’t get the job you wanted? Don’t fret, I hear Teach for America is still hiring–not that there is anything wrong with that.
Men with job offers: With salaries set until fiscal year 2009, ladies have guidance on the earnings expectations for Penn’s senior class. Expect dating volume to rise as ambitious women previously waiting on the sidelines finally know which men to go after.
Lawn chairs: Reserve your spot outside of the Upper Quad gate on November 1st to watch girls do the post-Halloween walk of shame in ridiculous costumes.
Social Planning and Events Committee (SPEC): After three consecutive years of horrible concert decisions, activist investor Carl Icahn is buying up stock ahead of the next meeting in order to have enough votes to fire the executive board.
Sell
Your ego: With grades from the first midterms to be released, the bottom 25 percent of Penn will realize that, contrary to what their mothers told them, they were never really that special after all. Look for applications requesting “medication” from CAPS to coincidentally rise.
Yet another Lee Stetson story: Let’s just all concede that we’ll probably never know the truth as to why the former Penn Dean of Admissions abruptly left. It’s time to move on to the next non-event.
Hold
…off on freshmen relationships: Long distance relationships with high school sweethearts will end after Thanksgiving and Penn will be flooded with emotionally vulnerable 18 year-olds selling at distressed prices. When dealing with women, always look to buy on signs of weakness.
Common $ense will appear more frequently (not just Tuesday and Thursdays) when school resumes, so bookmark the site to stay updated. Have a great Fall Break!
Tags: Buy sell hold
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October 11th, 2007 at 2:56 am
Hahahaha, only whartonites will get the carl icahn reference.
November 5th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Buy, sell, and hold - October, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.