John Fitzgerald Page is no longer anonymous here at his alma mater.
Infamous now for his e-mail exchanges on Match.com, which you must read for yourself, Page has set the bar for douche-bag behavior rather high.
No, I won’t rail on him for touting his “98th percentile SAT scores,” or his foray into the “fame game” (P.S. He knows LeAnn Rimes…woah) on his ridiculous website. It’s already been done and, honestly, it’s too easy.
Instead, ponder this: Think of all those assholes you know with their own www.myname.com’s, where they post amazing photos from exotic trips abroad, and offer beautiful little glimpses into the mind of the strikingly handsome, ridiculously wealthy, already-the-CEO-of-my-own-dot-com Penn man.*
News flash: No one fucking cares.
I can see Page’s fate in the stars of many of my peers. Quick, boys! Dump your shitty dot-com and grow a real personality before it’s too late!
When you’re over the hill, balding and single, the freshman you banged during NSO will be but a lewd pipe dream as you sit in your thankless Wall Street job, scratching your ass, wondering where all the time went.
So put down the goddamn Blackberry already and open your eyes. You are not a product to be marketed and sold, but a human that might a have a few thoughts and emotions left inside to offer. Salvage what you can, and then maybe someone will actually love and respect you for who you are–not because you were rated an 8.9 on HotorNot.com.
*Disclaimer: does not apply to Jason Toff. He is awesome.
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October 16th, 2007 at 7:32 am
this is awesome. spot on morgan.
October 16th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Um, I seem to remember that you are pre-med so please don’t act like you haven’t already sold out to pre-professionalism.
October 16th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
what does being a douche-bag have to do with pre-professionalism? unless you are a professional douche-bag..i see…
October 16th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
i think its somewhat pretentious of the author to think she will never end up like the people she describes. I would say to her, “Put down the goddamn orgo book already and open your eyes before you are 30 years old and getting uglier while you work 70 hours a week with no social life.”
October 17th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
If we look up “dank” in the dictionary, will we see YOUR picture?? Oh, and step away from your sticky keyboard and quit insulting intelligent, attractive young women who wouldn’t give you the time of day. Get back to your D & D game quick!
October 18th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Glad to see that d00d finally got some attention on this site. Too bad others had to point it out for you.