According to The Daily Pennsylvanian, the internet is abuzz with wild rumors about why Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson departed. Most of the gossip I find on the internet has more to do with Britney Spears losing her kids, or Marie Osmond fainting than college admissions.
Regardless, I thought I’d add fuel to the relatively small fire and offer my own crazy theories on why Stetson left.
- He gave preferential treatment to April O’Neil’s niece. Then Bebop, Rocksteady, and the rest of the Foot Clan threatened to destroy Penn unless he resigned.
- Refused to give up his cookie jar collection.
- Stole Ellen’s dog.
- It was found out that he invented cancer. (This would be doubly bad, because organizations on Locust Walk are trying to prevent cancer this week. It’d look really awful if students were trying to stop something the Dean of Admissions invented.)
- He got tired of reading admissions essays about how applicants want to help starving kids, or create world peace during their time at Penn, only to have them spend their entire college career doing keg stands and talking about Laguna Beach.
- Or maybe, he gave Ellen’s dog cancer. That has to be it.
An RSS feed of The Spin is available