I wanted to puke when I read the “rants and raves” section in the latest edition of The WALK, Penn’s only (thank God) fashion magazine. I didn’t think “cool” could be used so many times in one piece of writing. Please, buy a thesaurus!

“Rainbow flip-flops: you all own them and you may think they’re cool now, but flip-flops … are not real footwear — no one wears them after college so please be the one step ahead, and just stop now”

“The typical Penn student has a going out look that can improve as well. When you see girls in the same outfit, it is boring and quite frankly unattractive.”

Pure gems of wisdom.

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Mike’s right. It was great to see Rick Santorum.

But how many times does Santorum have to tell you people?! Europe. Is. Dying. It is dying and you are letting it die.

Will we have Europe behind us??? No, we will not have Europe behind us you socialist, Ivy League, Islamo-Fascist-loving idiots. Who the hell are you with that question?

HAH, Europe behind us! Europe could disappear at any second … Bruce Bawer said so! You’ve never heard of Bruce Bawer? This man’s last name is ONE letter away from being “Bauer.” As in, Jack Bauer. Do not question him or he will kick your ass to the rhythm of the “Final Countdown.”

The former senator/messiah came to Penn yesterday to warn us that the Muslims are multiplying at alarming rates and gradually implementing their plan to make Europe disappear with the black magic that they teach in the terror cells.

You need more proof? Mohamed is the MOST popular boys name is Belgium. Actually, Noah is – Mohamed’s tenth – but who cares about needless facts. Everyone knows facts are an evil communist tool used to obstruct the truth and promote moral relativism. Tenth is bad enough. The idea of giving children loaded Biblical names like, say … Jacob … or Christopher … is dangerous liberal lunacy. Or Daniel or Sarah or Peter. I mean you might as well … oh … damn.

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It was great to see him again. The last time I saw former US Senator Rick Santorum, I shook hands with him. That was over a year ago.

Santorum spoke yesterday at Hillel, as part of “Islamo-Facism Awareness Week.” Although he talked about the threat of radical Islam, his speech was hardly radical. It consisted of the usual name-dropping — Bruce Bawer, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, and Theo van Gogh — of people who evoke a call to arms against radical Islam. Anyone who has basic world history knowledge and has regularly read the newspaper in this post-9/11 reality would have found no surprises.

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As the only Spin blogger belonging to a Greek-letter organization, I felt it was my fraternal duty to report on the propaganda-fest down Locust Walk yesterday known as Greek Week. From my observation, this week had two completely different meanings for fraternities and sororities. For the ladies, it was a frantic contest to see who could put the most random crap on a middle-school display board. I think I felt an epileptic seizure coming on, from the sensory-overload of colored construction paper.

For the guys…it was just another excuse to miss class.

My momma always said you can tell a lot about an organization by what paraphernalia (or lack thereof) they choose to display on a makeshift table. You had the creative…

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OK, I was wrong. The Werner Herzog thing didn’t need more advertising. I was expecting a dozen or so awkward attendees hovering around a barely touched smörgåsbord of baby carrots and cucumber sandwiches. Instead, the auditorium was completely overcrowded and at least 100 people were turned away. The event should have been held in Irvine. So I was right about the Cinema Studies department screwing up, just wrong about why. On the upside, Werner didn’t get shot this time:

Also, on the upside, I shoved my way in and got a firsthand account.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

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A few weeks back, I blogged (once, twice, and three times) about Teach For America (TFA) and its impacts on Penn, Philadelphia, and the US as a whole. Today, Wendy Kopp, founder of Teach For America, and Princeton grad, spoke in Huntsman Hall to an audience of about 50 people.

The irony of Huntsman Hall as the location was almost too much to ignore.

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Thanks a lot, Nick.

My class was planning on going to the Werner Herzog lecture. Despite arriving almost fifteen minutes early, we were greeted by an absolutely packed auditorium. Soon we were shooed away from the entrance by a man in a suit with a German accent.

I really wanted to go, too. Herzog is a fascinating character — you know, he once kept his lead actor from quitting by threatening to shoot him? I envy those who are at this moment basking in the director’s eccentricities while he muses on humanity’s most turbulent century.

The extent to which the department has The Spin to thank for the full house is difficult to ascertain. In any event, let’s hope the DP gives us some good coverage tomorrow.

Think of the last person you saw. Were they ugly? Chances are they probably were. Philadelphia was recently voted the ugliest city in America. Well, technically, the nearly 60,000 respondents to a Travel and Leisure survey just scored us lowest on attractiveness. But same thing.

Miami justifiably took first, but even cities like Seattle and Orlando beat Philly. Apparently we’re even less attractive than fanny-pack-wearing tourists who scream at their kids in the car while aimlessly searching for Sea World.

But really, who cares what these mean visitors have to say about us? Don’t they know beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Oh wait, apparently we voted ourselves as the ugliest too.

We also ranked 24th in style, 20th in friendliness, and 23rd as people overall. But wipe those frowns off those hideous faces, because it’s not all bad news! Philly ranked 2nd in monuments, 4th in antiques, and 3rd in Pizza! So go eat a slice, buy some old stuff, and maybe next year we can go from 21st in activeness all the way to the bottom!

Good news for people who love bad news: a positive mindset, faith in a Higher Power, or plain ole optimism will NOT help you beat cancer. Penn’s very own James C. Coyne is lead author of a forthcoming study that concludes a patient’s emotional status has no bearing on cancer survival.

The nature of the study itself isn’t particularly uplifting. Coyne studied some 1,093 patients, 646 of whom died during the length of the study. Hoorah!

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While everyone around me appears to be wetting their pants like spoiled little brats who can’t get in on a secret, I for one would like to applaud the Penn administration for keeping their mouth shut about the whole Dean Stetson departure.

They have successfully adhered to Wharton Business Principle # 1 – No Snitching.

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