The Banana Slugs are angry. A few months after writing an article on school mascots, I got hold of this editorial response from the UCSC City on a Hill Press. While I assumed that the readership of the Spin consisted mostly of our student body, I was shocked to hear that readers across the country got wind of my “disagreeable mockery of UCSC’s friendly herbivore.” (Looks like someone has a news feed running for Banana Slug material …)

In my attempts to mourn the loss of Chief Illiniwek, mascot of the University of Illinois, I hurt the feelings of some peaceful slugs in the process.

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In his first known public appearance on campus since his abrupt resignation at the beginning of the semester, former Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson was seen at the Palestra last night cheering on the Quakers in their loss against UNC.

When approached by a DP reporter at halftime, he would say only that he usually comes to several games a year and that he didn’t think it unusual that he was attending a sporting event on campus after his mysterious resignation.

Former Dean of Admissions Lee Stetson (right) watches Penn play UNC in the Palestra.
Ryan Townsend/DP

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Five hours a night is no way to live.

You know those people - maybe you’re one of them. Our campus is full of folks who regularly get six or less hours of sleep per night.

Until recently I never knew how they did it. But an article about two sleep studies, one published here at Penn in 2003, helped shed some light.

Basically, when people consistently forgo hours of sleep every night, eventually they stop feeling tired. Sound familiar? The downside: they still display the concentration, reaction time, and memory impairments you would expect from sleepy people.

In short, you can zombify yourself, but it’s not good for you.

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Over at Cornell, sex ed got taken to a different level with “Anal Sex 101: Everything You Wanted to Know (But Were Afraid to Ask).” The speaker, sex expert Tristan Taormino, was invited by campus groups who had received a large number of questions about anal sex, and the event was funded by several groups as well as the Student Assembly Finance Commission.

Obviously, the College Republicans protested. In fact, they picketed. How could they not? Luckily, they made themselves sound ridiculous in the Cornell Sun.

“We’re protesting the event today because we believe the student activities fee is being used to teach people to engage in a physical act that we believe is not morally right,” said Ahmed Salem ’08, president of the College Republicans. “Our main issue is that even if that’s going to happen, it should not be paid for with our own money.”

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As the DP reported, Wharton junior Jason Myers fessed up to stealing all sorts of electronics from his fellow Harnwellians, proving once again that Harnwell is the worst high rise ever.

Oh, and by “fessed up” I mean his mom ratted him out to the police. Ouch!

The name rang a bell for me and a few other vigilant DP readers, who commented that our very own Mr. Penn is named Jason Myers as well.

Take a look at this admittedly disgusting video. Is that a USB flash drive in his orange panties or is he just excited to be performing?

Initially, the DP didn’t have a photo of Myers, so it was unclear whether or not Mr. Penn = Mr. Klepto. Lucky for you, I did about 3 minutes of research and found out the truth.
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Today in the Daily Pennsylvanian, Maureen Rush compared the recent crime spree at Penn to a bad George Clooney movie.

Three students arrested, two shootings, and two flashings. It sounds like the makings of a Penn version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. Hopefully in the next week there’s four embezzling scams and five bikes stolen, so we can keep this thing going. But Rush sees the recent crime spree differently.

The crimes are “the perfect storm,” said Vice President for Public Safety Maureen Rush.

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Question:

What’s got this many Penn students lined up at 9 a.m. in the morning? (Hint: It’s NOT for Ben Kweller tickets.)

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What’s sexier than sex?

As your resident sex blogger, I feel qualified to answer that question. And scanning the Inquirer today, I saw it: A huge, oversized, mouthwatering, potentially life-changing jar of Nutella.

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Word of the world-famous AIDS quilt quickly spread across campus in the last week. Probably because it is on campus.

Ten sections of the AIDS quilts are scattered throughout Penn, and this Saturday I joined in on a tour and vigil commemorating those afflicted with the disease. Sponsored by Penn AIDS Awareness and the LGBT Center, the hour long tour was informative and moving. Seeing the names inscribed on the quilt with such love and care really brought a human dimension to a disease so often referred to only in statistics and far away places.

If you haven’t had a chance to see any of the quilt yet, Penn AIDS Awareness will be bringing the ten pieces of the quilt together tomorrow, December 4th, at 5pm in the Hall of Flags. If this ceremony can move people like the one on Saturday, then I highly recommend attending.

Penn’s own infamous “Page Six” column, Street Sweeper, offers up the best of Penn’s trashy gossip peppered with so many acronyms, pseudonyms and euphemisms that it’s often indecipherable. I have to admit, it’s quite entertaining and often cleverly written–it’s easy to laugh at the expense of the drunk and uninhibited.

As long as the drunkard is not a friend … or worse … yourself.

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