Ann Coulter is one great American dame. Her constant presence in the American media circuit and her inspired authorship of many best-selling books are testament to the resonance of her arguments.

Or maybe it’s just because she’s blonde. She’s a MILF, too wouldn’t you say? It makes her stand out from the other female Republican pundits - and there you have the probable reason for her media success. Bill O’ Reilly is probably thankful he sits under a desk when he sees Ann Coulter on his show.

“There are other female Republican pundits?” one might ask, to which I would reply,

“Yes, you are just confusing them for men.”

It is quite easy to do, since, whilst relatively coherent, they all look like the spawn of Margaret Thatcher and a gerbil. If Ann Coulter had looked like one of these Maggie-gerbils, I would bet all the money in my pockets against all the money in yours that you just wouldn’t know her name.

Unless you were related to or haunted by her. Sonnet to this affect after the jump.

Don’t get me wrong, by the way - I am  a huge huge fan of Mrs. Thatcher, what with her dragging my country’s sorry union-controlled ass from the path of impending, humiliating destitution, an’all. But she was never much of a fox. Out of the plethora of prominent Republican women, dear Ann has but one figure to compete with.

Ah, Dana Perino, that sexy press secretary up at the Northern Crawford Ranch. She married an Englishman, you know…

Anyway, back from my daydreams and back to my darling Ann with her wise words. So great is my affection for this angel of destruction that I have, in fact, composed a full Shakespearean-style sonnet — replete with iambic pentameter (mostly) and alternate rhyming couplets — just for her. Please note that a few of these must be said in an English accent to actually work. My accent rules anyway.

(With apologies to Wm. Shakespeare).

Sonnet 155 (the one that got away)

Ann Coulter who is blonde and so shapely,
O’Reilly nightly drools from eight to nine,
Her ‘arguments’, I would not give a ha’penny,
She thinks her dev’lish spew is so divine.
To quote the standard college-going peep,
“My God, she’s mad and rather dumb to boot!”
For me, I’d rather go and shag a sheep,
Than watch her on TV or give a hoot,
If Ann had but in nineteen twenty wrote,
For suffrage women would today be grieved,
Rather than granting votes, die by garrote,
Or rather men would off a cliff be heaved,

When for Beelzebub Ann Coulter stands,
Our freedom on a spike of evil lands.

Yeh, that’s how I show my love.

Tags: Ann Coulter, sonnets

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008 at 8:30 am and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.