Penn students behave in peculiar ways. A customary hello on Locust walk– well actually, the internal debate of whether to say hello — seems to induce pain. When did a moment of shared recognition become a comparable experience to speaking a foreign language sober or worse, menstruating without a tampon handy?
A preliminary glance down Locust can quickly give way to sheer panic; you have about five seconds to make a decision: risk embarrassment and second-class status by acknowledging that plebeian who was your friend, but only because he lived three doors down from you — or ignore them, hope that they ignore you too, and breathe a sigh of relief. Other common, but no less cringe-worthy run-ins include last month’s hook-up (very drunk), hot people you distinctly remember talking to at parties (their memory may be hazy), and class friends (didn’t talk to them about anything but).
Phone ditching is no solution — it’s lame and awkwardly revealing. Plus, it’s always better to ignore uncomfortable situations than acknowledge their unpleasantness. I can’t stand the person who says “Wow, this is awkward.” Anyway, iPods are more convincing - song A.D.D. is rampant and widely prescribed. You can’t always trust a friend to text you at that moment of convergence (remember: you’re awkward, so you probably don’t have that many friends anyway — the other person probably knows this about you).
Either way, I, single-handedly, have come up with a solution to ease this affliction: friends, hook-ups, etc. will be required to sign something similar to a prenup. The contract, possibly available on PennPortal, would bind people to a mutual, pre-determined (no hard feelings) duration of shared acknowledgment. Each individual is free from obligation once the contract becomes void. Public tribulations can finally be avoided once and for all.
Tags: Celebrities, electronics, Locust Walk
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January 28th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Gee did Penn campus become THAT alienated? Why can’t people just say Hi without feeling akward
January 28th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Have you ever seen that oft-forwarded email about the world’s worst analogies? I’m calling them and adding in “discomfort at saying hello” as compared to “menstruating without a tampon” to the list. Because, seriously?