As The DP reported on Friday, terrible actor Kal Penn will go by the moniker “Kalpen Modi” during his stay here as a Professor of Asian American Studies. I guess that’s probably his real name. Maybe the dude’s trying to get back to his roots after brutally stereotyping them for feeble laughs in so many mediocre films. (I know, I know. The Namesake. Whatever. Can’t make up for Malibu’s Most Wanted.)

Anyway, the name change means that we won’t get to see any of these gems in future DP articles:

“Penn said he was excited to be working at Penn.”

“The Director of Asian American Studies will be overseeing all of Penn’s classes to ensure they meet Penn’s criteria for excellence.”

“Penn will benefit from Penn.”

“Penn is 100% Indian.”

Honestly, reading old DP pieces like this one must have been a total mindfuck for everybody involved — the writer, the editor, and all the readers. So thanks, Professor Modi. Your classes will probably suck, but at least now it will be easy for us to refer to you without implicating the entire University.

Tags: Kal Penn

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