Today is President’s Day, the federal holiday honoring the February birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln — our two finest presidents. (Bush comes in a close third.) During their presidencies, both Washington and Lincoln fought hard for American freedoms; neither one, evidently, fought hard enough to get us a day off.
But I’m not going to spend the day being bitter. Instead, I’ve decided to honor the presidents who have graduated from this prestigious university in hopes that Penn sends more men and women into the oval office in the future. (And not as interns.)
After all, Penn has to have an illustrious list of White House alumni, right? Our Ivy peers have long lists of presidential grads: Harvard has sent seven men to the West Wing, among them JFK and FDR; Yale clocks in at five, including Clinton; even Columbia has sent three men to head the executive branch over the years. So it only makes sense that Penn has… one alumnus-turned-president? Really? Just one?
Now to add injury to insult: it’s William Henry Harrison.
As if that creepy balding pattern and those eerie elf-ears aren’t enough, William Henry Harrison was probably the worst president ever. He’s most (in)famous for serving just 30 days in office, the shortest term in American history. Why, might you ask, did William leave the White House so soon? Was he involved in a national scandal? Or did he lie to the country?
No and no. Harrison’s presidency ended because he, umm, died.
That’s right: at the tender age of 68, Willy died of pneumonia, jaundice and septicemia. (Well that explains why he looks like crap in the portrait.) Doctors did their best to treat him, trying many of the 19th century’s finest cures: opium, castor oil and even live snakes. But alas, Harrison passed away in April of 1844 without a penny to his name. (Apparently not a Wharton student.)
So to honor Penn’s only best U.S. President on this Presidents’ Day, I’ll leave you with William’s immortal last words:
Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of the government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more. And are those live f#$&ing snakes?!?
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February 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
You left out the most ironic part of Harrison’s death.
During his inauguration, he defiantly refused to wear an overcoat in the winter weather of D.C. to show his strength and vigor (after all, he was a little old at the time) while delivering the longest inauguration speech ever. He quickly caught pneumonia and withered away.
Penn should truly be proud.
February 18th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
for a second there, you had me thinking monica lewinsky was a penn alum.