Despite what my picture suggests, sometimes I need a haircut. I know it’s that time of year when my hats don’t fit anymore or when strangers come up to me and give me change. Whichever comes first. Then I borrow some clippers from a friend, pluck out all the pubic hair stuck in them, and shave my head.

But it recently came to my attention that such grooming habits are generally frowned upon, so yesterday I tried something new. I went to Aveda, the new haircutting school at 40th and Chestnut. Aveda is a big bi-level warehouse — it would have made for a great club. But does it make for a great hair salon?

To answer that question, I have to call on the well-known Bollinger’s equation, reproduced here for you liberal arts kids. (Sorry for the bad quality; I scanned this right out of my textbook.)

The cost is what’s most appealing about Aveda. At only $12, you’re not going to find a better deal in University City — not even at the most Italian of barbershops.

In terms of quality, Aveda earns a 6.5. I was unimpressed and frankly bewildered by all the complimentary treatments I received before the haircut itself. I was shampooed, conditioned, head-massaged, hand-massaged, arm-massaged, and generally pampered as if I were a movie star. But I’m not, and so I felt a little uncomfortable getting my hands greased down in their magic jujubee-coconut-aloe stuff.

When it came time to get cutting, I was a little alarmed that at the chairs to my immediate left and right stylists were practicing on mannequin heads. For a second I felt like this could be the climactic scene of a horror movie, where I realize I’m a mannequin too, but that didn’t happen.

My stylist, Kimberly, took out the scissors and approached my hair like she had just found some feral cat on her doorstep. She would stroke it tentatively, snip a centimeter off, and then back off. I’m not sure if she had ever cut a guy’s hair before. Fortunately, she wasn’t afraid to ask the hairschoolmarm — an assertive hot blonde masterful with scissors –for help. Ultimately my hair looked fine; Kimberly didn’t do a great job with my annoying cowlicks, but the sides and back looked good. Best of all, the cut was nice and simple, which was what I cared about most.

Because of the aforementioned complimentary treatments and Kimberly’s somewhat cautious method, I spent an inordinate amount of time at Aveda: 1.25 hours. That said, walking to 40th and Chestnut is a lot quicker than getting down to Supercuts on South Street. Also, my time isn’t valuable at all (Bollinger’s constant = .25).

So what’s the final say on Aveda? At .1875, it has a positive value — that means it’s worth returning to. Not the best haircut I’ve ever had, and I still wish it was a club, but it was a generally positive experience. I recommend it.

Tags: Aveda, haircut, Kyle Bollinger

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