For admissions officers, application review season (currently underway) is the most fun time of the year. But according to a recent DP article, some of this year’s admissions essays look as if they’ve been plagiarized or even written by counselors and parents — and that’s not “authentic.”

First of all, it astonishes me that people still want to attend this university — what with its killer hawks, rampant anarchists and sofa-less male bathrooms. But on the other hand, I sympathize with this brand new batch of Penn hopefuls, and I want to help them and future generations with the intimidating task of writing a college essay.

In that light, I’ve gathered some of the best tips from EssayEdge.com — The NY Times’ top-rated college essay site — and reinterpreted them below without all the academic jargon. If I can help just one Harvard reject make it into Penn, my job is complete.

Answer the question. If the prompt is about a “defining life moment,” do not write about that Kelly Clarkson concert where you swear she looked right into your eyes. (Yeah, learned that one the hard way.)

Be original. Make sure to be original — just like everyone else. (I know you’ve heard that before, but don’t I get irony points for reusing it in the “be original” section?)

Be yourself. That is, unless you’re not original.

Don’t “thesaurize” your composition. Remember, big words make you sound like a pretentious ass. You’re trying to become a student here, not a professor.

Spend the most time on your introduction. Let’s face it: you’re kidding yourself if you think admissions officers read past the first paragraph. Most don’t make it past the ethnicity box.

Conclusions are crucial. The following gem of advice is taken verbatim from EssayEdge.com:

Remember, your essay need not be so tidy that you can answer why your little sister died or why people starve in Africa; you are not writing a “sit-com.”

What the hell kind of sit-com is that? And when will FOX be picking it up? And lastly, of course:

Give your draft to others. Try to find a parent or a counselor, preferably one who can write the whole damn thing well.

Tags: essays, Kelly Clarkson, plagiarism

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 6th, 2008 at 10:49 am and is filed under Higher Education, Ivy League, Penn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.