This is the first of an at-least-one-part series about how awkward professors are.

Professors get awkward about even the simplest things, like their names. When introducing themselves to students, you can actually see them furrowing their brows as they debate whether to self-identify as “Professor Parker” or just “Peter.” To some extent, it’s an understandable dilemma. The formality of one might place an icy wall between teacher and student forever, while the familiarity of the other might undermine the professor’s authority until the class devolves into an orgy — cellphones ringing, kids snorting blow off the lectern, sheer chaos.

But rather than summoning the resolve to go with one title or the other, professors invariably end up waffling between the two, plunging themselves and the entire class into a purgatory of awkwardness.

The essence of that purgatory is the SBI, or “Signature by Initials.” That’s when your professor writes the class an email, and signs it with his/her initials — something like “JBL.” Professors love the SBI. They relish in its brevity, and its smooth marriage of intimacy with power. Only problem is, SBIs only work through email — that least awkward of mediums. Face-to-face, professors are once again forced to make an uncomfortable choice.

My advice? Just pick a handle on the first day and go with it. If you have any interest at all in forming strong relationships with your students, go with the first name. We’re not going to suddenly start treating you worse because of it. The gray hair bursting from your wrinkly nose and ears will be a persistent reminder of your venerability.

Notable non-awkward exceptions:

• G. Cameron Hurst III, who goes by Cappy. I wish I had the balls to call him that when I took his class as a freshman.
• The majority of the English Department, who go by their first names and would gladly have students do blow off their lecterns.
• Resident assclown Kalpen Modi, who insists on being called Mr. Modi despite being about 5 years older than his students. An utterly douchey move, but give him credit for his firmness on the matter.

Tags: awkward, Kal Penn, professors

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 12:52 pm and is filed under Higher Education, Penn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.