If you believe in abstinence until marriage, I think you’re scared and repressed.
Honestly, you abstainers, why knock something you haven’t tried? Sex is wonderful.
I see it this way: if I’m going to sit for hours in the library and study for midterms, spend an hour on the elliptical because I sat for hours, and eat food in the dining halls because my parents wanted me to have a meal plan, I should at least allot myself thirty minutes of intimacy.
If the prudes and fanatics prefer not to masturbate or orgasm, that’s on them. Not only are they missing out, but they’re fighting a losing battle. Biology is hard to beat. We are programmed to want sex. And honestly, I’m tired of religion denying people their basic, biological rights.
Still, I understand their pleas of “The media is so evil. We’re rebelling against society’s horrible standards. We believe a woman is worth more than her sexuality.”
Yeah, I agree, but the facts are clear - pledges of abstinence are empty promises.
Sex abstainers are six times as likely to engage in oral sex (head = STDs) than sex enjoyers, and they are less likely to use a condom when they finally have sex (on average just 18 months later than non-pledgers.) Oh, and rates of sexual transmitted diseases are equal in abstainers and enjoyers alike.
(Plus, didn’t Jamie-Lynn Spears shun premarital sex?)
The problem is, many abstinence-support groups found on college campuses are polarizing. If you choose to abstain, then you’re part of a small, ostracized minority that will be seen by its peers as religiously out-of-date. If you chose to engage in after-hour activities, then often you become a MTV “Girls Gone Wild” protege.
Women’s groups and their representatives fail by catering to two extremes: pious virgin or free-loving whore.We need campus groups, especially ones in the media-friendly Ivy League, to acknowledge the entire gamut of female sexuality.
That said, I commend the Penn Women’s Center. PWC is well on its way to becoming a model resource and refuge for females. Visit it.
Tags: biology, Penn Women's Center, religion, the v-card
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April 1st, 2008 at 4:11 pm
So, I suppose you’re the “free-loving whore” who hates “pious virgins.” How tolerant of you.
April 1st, 2008 at 7:16 pm
…Biology isn’t hard to beat. You do it every time you take a birth control pill. This whole post is atrocious (coming from somebody who has not pledged abstinence). Does the Spin have any standards?
April 1st, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I have no problem with any of this, but what does your post have to do with anything? Are you comparing the two lifestyles or women groups? At first you speak of how openly talk about your sexuality and different lifestyles, but then change the subject to women’s groups…what’s the point here?
April 1st, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Honestly, are the people who wrote the comments serious? First of all, if you’re going to comment, come up with something worth reading. This entry has a really important message in it. It’s not acceptable in our culture for women to acknowledge that they enjoy having sex, let alone to talk about it in an open manner. Get used to it, and get over it. Better off, get laid!
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:40 am
agreed. nothing wrong with female sexuality. someone needs to get those religious groups laid to shut them up
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 am
Maddy, I found your post so stimulating that I wrote you two responses: Here, and here. Don’t tell the other bloggers. I know they’d be jealous.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:03 am
It wouldn’t surprise me if this entry was prompted by your need to gush after losing your virginity.
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 am
To the person who hasn’t cashed in her V card — just because she likes sex doesn’t mean she’s a whore. That’s the idea here. You don’t have to put yourself into these virgin/whore catagories even though our religious fathers would like us to. And to Bewildered, I think the point of the post is that women who are uncomfortable with their sexuality and fear exploring it might want to go to a place like the Penn Women’s Center — as opposed to, say, church.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
Yes, that was my point. Women should be able to do whatever the hell they want without being labeled or criticized. I’m not “scared and repressed” because I haven’t found the right guy yet and may not until I get married. Who knows?
How did you miss that…?
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I find the the use religion as a unifying scapegoat particularly disturbing. There are numerous humanist virgins and religious “enjoyers.”
This post does seem to be forwarding a conflicting message: women should be able to express themselves however they’d like, but they are repressed if they choose to abstain. All options are equal, but some are more equal than others.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:34 pm
What the hell is a V-card and where can I get one? Do they come in multi-packs? Can you upgrade?
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I’m not sure about you all, but I really seem to think this is a very personal issue for those of you speaking passionately about this… Sex is best kept inside of marriage, keeping it inside of marriage eliminates STD’s, and lowers the rate of unwanted pregnancies. Sex is a great thing, but when it is thrown around like it is today, it becomes very dangerous and damaging. If any of you want to be get involved in some discussions, please visit http://www.wtwnv.com/forums/
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Really, really poorly written. I agree with your assessment (I think… did you ever make one?) but there’s no timeliness, no references to anything important, nothing. It’s just you airing your personal opinions. (Did you even see the cover article from the New York Times Magazine that talked about abstinence on Ivy League campuses? That warrants at least a link or mention, let a read through.)
Keep that to a personal blog. This is supposed to be a site for news, and having a post apropos of nothing just doesn’t make any sense. Writing a blog is no excuse for poor journalism.
Worst of all, you make a sweeping statement in your lede (virgins are scared and repressed) and never address it again. No facts to back up your assessment, from there you talk about the failure of abstinence programs. Poor decision making.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 pm
to concerned student journalist:
go have sex.
and also - if the editor of the spin didn’t have a problem with the content or the format, who are you to criticize? maybe you should focus your journalistic energy elsewhere.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:07 pm
… and it honestly would have been better if I hadn’t. So I guess I have “tried” it, and I’m knocking it for the time being.
Have you “tried” abstinence? It’s sublime.
I find this categorical implication of “religion” as the culprit to be entirely bizarre. What do you mean by “religion?” Christianity? Hinduism? Islam? Judaism? Buddhism? Mormons? The Moonies? If you have a bone to pick with a specific tradition, then name it and we’ll talk. Otherwise, you’re not making much sense.
I think you derailed between your fifth and sixth paragraphs. There could have been dialogue there, but the post veered immediately towards the (completely irrelevant) topic of abstinence support groups.
So here’s my suggestion, I quote: “Do I feel like being a virgin or a whore tonight?” Now what’s the male equivalent of “whore” that I would use for myself? Oh wait, we don’t have one. Now *that* is something worth writing about. I think you’ll find the sexist views of sexuality we both disagree with are far more pervasive in our society than just amongst the “prudes and the fanatics.” I whole-heartedly agree that our culture’s attitudes towards female sexuality are astonishingly bigoted but I think the source of the problem is not where you placed it.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:25 am
concerned student journalist is right on. and the fact that the spin editor didn’t have a problem with the piece says a lot about the quality of the editor.
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:51 am
Ok kids here;s how it is for grown-ups, you know the old adage “With age comes wisdom etc etc”
*Worth the wait*> I was married for twenty years, fatherd two kids (your age now) got divorced remain great friends with the ex, so now that I’m single again I’m not supposed to have sex because I’m not married, and don’t see remarrige anywhere in the near future (at my age the future is now)…oh and I’m a pretty religious guy too…I figure God and I will hash my transgressions out when it’s time to cross that bridge.
Cashed in my V card> What do you call the male equivalent of a whore? Wow, I’ve heard so many different names you gals call guys like that, not the least of which is “Dog”, “A**hole”, “Scumbag”, “Lover”, need I go on? I’ll cut you slack and figure you just drew a blank.
Concerned student journo+penn09> What can I say but wow?! Apart from the fact that these blogs are interesting enough for myself (very much NOT in the student demographic) to not only make a point to check them out and read them, no less enjoy them?
I find it amazingly entertaining if not ironic that you would feel they are not appropriate for people such as yourselves and your fellow students whom I’m sure would describe themselves as on the cusp of full blown adulthood.
Let me guess something here, (pulls out crystal ball and stares deeply into it) I see two young self described progressive liberals whom are extremely excited to see two inspirational people running for president of the USA one a black and one a woman both for REAL change and touting policies FOR the people blah blah blah yet you’ll be the first to come to the spin and right away start with rightous indignation, dictate to the audience, the editor and the writers themselves what should be, is, and without question must be, (because to question you would be something akin to ignorant heresy!) state that WE have no idea what’s best for us.
It’s a good thing we have you two around to remind us.
Actually we’ll do just fine without your help thank you very much
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I’m a boy.
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I’m a boy…
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Twice
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:53 pm
stiv:
you either didn’t read concerned stud. journ’s comment, or completely missed the point. nobody said anything about dictating what is or is not appropriate for people to read, the entire criticism was based on journalistic standards. the point was this piece lacks supporting evidence, struggles to make a point, and simply isn’t informative. it’s strict opinion without support - something that belongs on a personal blog and not an editorial page or DP blog. i’m all for discussing this issue openly, on the spin, i just want the writers to support their claims, actually make points, and attempt to put together a piece that’s coherently structured. it’s mostly the editor’s fault for posting this as is. but again, you’re crystal ball analysis was unnecessary, strangely tainted with animosity, and at least in my case completely wrong.
April 4th, 2008 at 7:20 am
penn09> I’ve been following these blogs for sometime and if I’m not mistaken just a short time ago Ms.Stull wrote a solicitation for blogs using this criteria:
“Whether you want to oppose something uberpublicly, feel an overwhelming urge to give everyone some useful advice, or just have remarkably random Penn factoids to share, the Spin might be your place to do it.
200-350 words, humor suggested, wit required, opinion infinitely preferred to none, pictures/YouTube/inventive media always appreciated. If you have an idea for a post or already wrote something out, shoot me an email me at stull@dailypennsylvanian.com and we’ll see what happens.”
Does not sound like the hard hitting journalistic credo “Journo student jr.” or Jr.penn09 is thinking it should be.
So it seems to me if there any confused sense of direction to what *The Spin* blogs are about it would be the Journo student and (Hopefully I won’t misread you again!…shame on me!) yourself, as also stated by other previos posters (so I’m not alone in that summation) look I could have been as vulgar as some previous posts too but vhose to give a more reasoned view (not to mention somewhat sarcastic) and talk about missing the point (doctor heal thyself) maybe the only thing that the proverbial *Sticks in the mud) like Journo student and yourself understand are the vulgar type of anal-ysis or critique of:
Get laid.
Cash in the V card> I’m very happy that you’re a boy…twice yet! Oh and is it ok if i get laid? I want to have a guilt free conscience when I have old people sex with my GF this weekend
From a professionally paid blogger who understands at least in a *Real world* sense the difference between *blogs* and *Reporting* (just ask my boss!) I’ll bid the kids:
adios, arrivederci, auf wiedersehen, au revoir, bye, bye-bye, cheerio, good-by, goodby, good-bye, goodbye, good day, sayonara, so long
ps A sense of humor is a good thing, always keep that in mind, that and getting laid:-)
April 8th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
I’m a republican. I love sex. I’m undecided between the black guy, the woman, and the white guy. But sorry if my ultra-liberal views shined through to my commentary.
I think this post is pretty much dead. I will admit, though, that I was wrong about what I thought the “The Spin” was. Still, tackling abstinence on Ivy League schools and neglecting the NY Times article is pretty shabby journalism or blogging.
A professionally paid blogger? Sounds like a sweet gig.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Everyone, just let her be. I think it’s good that she’s sublimating her repressed penis envy into a post for our school’s dilapidated newspaper opinion blog.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:37 am
i’d hit it. LOVE to
April 28th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Repressed? Scared? I am one of those “prudes and a fanatics” who believes in abstinence before marriage because I have seen how wonderful sex is. I have seen it–not used like something disposable to give a person an emotional high, or fulfill a “need”–but it flourishing in a relationship filled with love and security of two people who chose to swear themselves to eachother, and still love eachother through the hard times 23 years later. They man isn’t trying to get a conquest out of the woman. The woman isn’t trying to use him to fulfill her intimacy needs.
He takes care of her, holds her when she cries, counted her precious enough that he chose to swear to protect her and keep her (no matter how he feels in a week) forever and ever before “taking her” physically, because she was worth that much in his eyes. And the woman counted the man worth enough that she chose him above all the others, and gave herself to him, knowing that he rejoices with her when she announces to him “I tested positive” and comes home from work handing her his entire paycheck, for the kids and her and him. And I have watched the man and the woman struggle through the hard times, when it would have been easy to walk out, but they didn’t. And I have watched them fight, and laugh together, and cry together, and dwell together, for 23 years. Sex is a wonderful thing. I believe that. Let’s not forget that sex isn’t just a consumer-intimate-needs 30 minute thing. Its a life thing. Its a love thing. Its a little babies coming out thing. Its a “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for sex” thing
April 28th, 2008 at 7:19 am
clarification: tested positive on a pregnancy test. And 8 1/2 months later out come cute little baby me
June 14th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Maddy, you don’t understand. Its a false dichotomy. Its not that we virgins hate sex. Actually, we think it is a sacrament. We think it is so important and beautiful that it should be part of a lifelong, committed love that is blessed by a holy and beautiful God. It is called “the Sacrament of Matrimony”. Understandably, many people struggle with the concept, including many religious people. I would suggest “Love and Responsibility” by Karol Wojtyla.
In short, we have deep respect for sex. We have deep respect for its bonding power and life-giving power. Human sex was meant for Love (google voles & oxytocin & vasopressin), and it was meant for Life (birth control is fighting biology). Something that powerful should be respected and approached with reverence. Sex is not just powerful, it is beautiful. It is holy.
When sex is ripped out of marriage and experienced as a “thing”, an object to be consumed, it is a bit like ripping a heart out of a body, and throwing it on the street. Both will die. Pain and putrefaction follow.
Denying oneself pleasure is hard. But humanity has done harder things, for the sake of Love and Life. It can be done.
Its a false dichotomy to call oneself a virgin or a whore. That is, there is a true dichotomy, the chaste and the unchaste. But we are all struggling sinners, who desire our own happiness at the expense of our own and other’s good. But through this crucible of regret and struggle and pain, we will be purified into the likeness of him who is Love, incarnate.
God bless you and keep you,
Rivka
ps. practicing the oral stuff is unchaste as well.