When I was in elementary school, I was enrolled in DARE — the mandatory drug awareness program where cops would come to class and warn students of the dangers of illegal substances. DARE left me absolutely terrified of drug use, though comically ill-informed: in my final essay, for instance, I wrote that I would never take a sniff of marijuana. (I still haven’t.)
Now, more than a decade removed from my anti-drug “education,” I still remember DARE’s main arguments against substance abuse: it would leave you friendless, physically weak and unsuccessful in all life’s endeavors. And given today’s celebrity climate — with more and more stars falling in and out of rehab — I think we’ve all learned that same lesson.
Or have we? I don’t think it would come as a surprise to say that drugs have a new face in America, and it’s not as scary as it used to be. What might be surprising, however, is that Penn and other universities are helping market the drug makeover — including our esteemed professors.
Just last week, for example, the DP ran an article on doping in academia, which claimed that many schools are “entering an age of widespread drug-induced brain enhancement.” Some professors at Cambridge even admitted to using over-the-counter substances like Adderall in order to “improve their performance.” (Bad midterm evaluations, perhaps?)
Add that to this week’s sports hoopla — opening week in baseball, tainted by a second Jose Canseco book that accuses even more MLBers of steroid use — and you’ve got a brand new reputation for illegal drugs: they’ll actually make you more successful in all of life’s endeavors. You’ll get stronger and faster, even smarter. And no longer do you have to deal with shady criminals in back alleys and parking lots; the 21st century dealer is either a doctor with HGH or that kid who didn’t get enough attention as a child.
Then we’ve got the reputation of alcohol as a social drug, and all the sudden the idea of being friendless, unsuccessful and weak as a result of drug use has been batted far out of the park. So thank you, Marion Jones, Jose Canseco and you super-focused studiers at universities like Penn. You’ve helped a generation of pliable youngsters overcome their fear of illegal substances and embrace all the benefits that unfaltering drug use can bring. And if it doesn’t hurt spiders, then what harm can it do to us?
Correction: Adderall’s not over-the-counter. Just kidding.
Tags: drugs, spiders, spiders on drugs
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April 4th, 2008 at 6:54 am
When did Adderall become OTC?
April 4th, 2008 at 8:16 am
As someone who abandoned all hometown advice when I entered Penn in order to make up my own mind about things, and who did plenty of recreational drugs, it is disheartening that the anti-drug lobby still has any sort of voice. The problem is well known- they so overstate their case that when the victim of their smarmy fantasies about “good clean fun” figures out they are wrong, then all hell breaks loose. This country needs an ironic voice like H L Mencken and some leadership with real moral authority, not a bunch of aphorisms from small minded teachers from the burbs.