So I get an email from Class Board this weekend urging me to sign the Hey Day pledge:
Because of collaborative work done between students and administrators last year, Hey Day 2007 was the cleanest and safest Hey Day in recent memory, one that was called a success even by the Associated Press (see press release below for details).
This year, we hope to build on the progress made in Hey Day 2007 to ensure that the tradition remains safe and sustainable for future years. The only way this can occur is if this year’s seniors — the members of the Class of 2008 — are equally as excited to preserve the tradition of Hey Day as last year’s seniors.
Fuck you, Class Board. Don’t tell me that a successful Hey Day means gushing praise from the administration and major news outlets. A successful Hey Day means someone getting sent to the hospital because a bag of urine explodes in her eye. A successful Hey Day means the President getting drenched in beer and thrown down the stairs.
And don’t talk to me about “tradition.” If there’s any kind of tradition behind these events it’s one of nihilistic student violence. The tradition of sucking the administration’s c*ck is both new and unwelcome.
So let me propose an alternative pledge:
Let’s Make This The Last Hey Day Ever!
I hereby acknowledge that one final ultra-violent Hey Day is better than many tame ones. I acknowledge that streamers and silly string are acceptable instruments for nine-year-olds on Halloween, but not for inebriated seniors on the verge of graduation. I reject the administration’s definitions of “success” and “tradition” as empty shells of words that are slung around like so much excrement. I pledge to sling actual excrement on Hey Day, as well as rotten food, condoms, condiments, and whatever else I can get my hands on.
Signed,
____________
Tags: Hey Day, Mad that Class Board rejected my T-shirt theme, Wear a Condiment...Ask Us Why
An RSS feed of The Spin is available
April 28th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Brian Fasterman — I proudly sign this pledge! Fuck them up!
April 28th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Ashley Chang
Urine + Shit = Juniors We’ll Hit!
April 29th, 2008 at 1:49 am
Just in case this post’s humble readership should reach a member of Class Board:
I wrote this post with tongue firmly planted in cheek. I don’t endorse the throwing of shit at Hey Day tomorrow. Please sympathize with my primitive sense of humor.
Also, I love at least 25% of you guys, ie, the seniors. You’ve done a great job. With respect to Hey Day, it’s true that you are just serving as the mouthpiece of the administration, but given the rocky status of the event I can understand that you don’t really have much choice.
I have no interest in engaging in a serious conversation, but flame wars are welcome.
Also, this is my last post forever. Bye all!
April 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
[...] « A different kind of Hey Day pledge [...]
April 29th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Hey Day was great. Did have some complete stranger smear shaving cream across my face with her hand, which in any other situation would have gotten her ass kicked. Only problem is the state of Locust Walk. Obviously, there’s going to be a mess, but do people really have to throw their empty bottles of condiments and used cans of silly string on the ground like they’re three year olds who’ve never been taught how to pick up after themselves? Seriously, walk the ten feet to a freaking trash can.
April 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Bravo Nick…thanks for a year of great writing
April 29th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
There’s nothing primitive about sarcasm–I thought the piece was brilliant!
April 30th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
throwing pee is bad…that’s an easy way to get hepatitis