The days are getting shorter, I’m having hourly panic attacks, a few thousand new freshmen are hungover - gee, it must be fall! With each new season comes a new bunch of bloggers, and this semester, we’ve got plenty. All twelve of them are thoroughly overqualified, from English majors to Alabamians. Get ready for witty commentary and, for the first time ever, semi-regular video bloggers.

Without further ado, this semester’s heroic staff:

David Chang is a junior in the College and an English major. He dreams of being a writer and is looking forward to a life of overdue rent, loan repayments, and a significant other who will inevitably make more money than him. But hey, at least he’ll actually enjoy his job, something that the aspiring Engineers and Businessmen won’t be able to claim. Ha! Take that future millionaires! Now uhh, do you mind lending David some money?

Abby Schwartz has nice eyeballs and feathery-soft hair according to her friends. Her friends are also from Alabama. So is Abby, but she doesn’t have an accent. A junior majoring in communication, Abby enjoys traveling, yelling at the TV and avoiding sunburns. She is also really good at cooking chicken.

You will most often find college senior Rachel Lockwood doing one of five things: air-drumming, rearranging furniture, making lists, eating junk food or telling people that no, her hometown, Pleasantville, is not actually in black and white (seriously, come up a better line). She loves watching bad movies, making cheese scrambled eggs and sneezing louder than anyone you know. Start your week by reading her blog every Monday.

College sophomore Chaia Werger is from Attleboro, Massachusetts. Contrary to popular belief, she is not sixteen, European or Jewish. She is undecided about most facets of her life, but has resolved to write her weekly blog on Thursdays.

You might think it’s depressing, but Malka Fleischmann maintains that the most efficient way to live life is by sticking to one’s bucket list. And here are some of the most pressing to-dos on her agenda:
1. All-night police evasion, through the busy, darkened streets of a major US city, for dancing in a public fountain.
2. Taking a photo of herself hugging every lighthouse on the Irish coast.
3. Nabbing a blue whale and proudly displaying its stuffed corpse on her palatial front lawn.
4. Growing gills.

Jenna Feldman, a College sophomore, hails from New Jersey but does not have a “Jersey accent.” Her two sisters punched out every tooth she has ever lost–a fun-fact to which Jenna attributes all her failures. In her spare time, which usually falls between three and five o’clock in the morning, Jenna rereads the DSM-IV-TR and diagnoses herself and everyone she knows with various disorders. She is always right.

A nine-time Pulitzer Prize winner before the age of six, junior Susan Miller has chosen the Spin to be her latest literary pursuit. She hails from Silver Spring, Maryland, just outside the Beltway, where she carefully honed her current persona of irreverence and sarcasm. New to blogging, Susan has heard the demystifying news that the Internet is a series of tubes, so she thinks things will work out fine.

Will Steinberger enjoys eating lots of pasta and pooping in the woods. As a blogger and Senior Fellow in various things here at Penn, his research interests include the retinotopic imaging of post-triangulation politics, the quality of life of the urban pigeon, the presence of phallic imagery in post-Maoist Idaho, and the micro-financing of dysutopian organic burrito farms in the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge. He is currently compiling the first-ever oral history of Randy Newman, which will appear in weekly installments here at the Spin. He dares you to sue him for libel.

Since College senior Zachary Noyce finally figured out how to turn on a computer, he will be making the jump from the opinion page to blog. Don’t you fear, though; this old man will not let the series of pipes that make up the Internets corrupt his puritanical ways. Look forward to tirades against freshmen baggy pants and tributes to Calvin Coolidge.

Yuliya Rebrova is a Wharton and College junior who does not like long walks on the beach. You can usually catch her reading Victorian literature and struggling to catch musical theatre performances. She’ll be abroad this semester in Spain so don’t plan on stalking her anytime soon… that is, if you don’t come bearing cookies.

Taehoon Kim is a senior in the College. The only interesting facts about him are that he is Canadian, lactose-intolerant, and intolerant of Canadians. Please bring him non-Canada-themed cakes (but God help you if you bring ice cream cake).

When the cool kids need coaching on how to be even cooler, you’ll find them consulting the one and only Anthony Cirranello. Raised in a quiet town in the Poconos, Anthony has since fallen in love with Philadelphia, and tries not to think about his many (many) years away from civilization. When he isn’t watching tennis or singing with the Loaf, he spends his time trying to convince himself that he is somehow a good person, despite his general disregard for others’ feelings. Also, he is a boy.

Last year’s darling Jon Wroble will still be blogging as well — from France. His trip to Europe should be full of mischief, mayhem, and complicated foreign syntax; luckily, he’s agreed to record it all for posterity here at the Spin. Mais oui, mon cheri!

And last, but not least…

College junior Lindsey Stull is me. If you really need to read my bio, there are two in the archives. I’m still your friendly neighborhood opinion blog editor, and I might even pop in with a post or two every once in a while. As per usual, email stull at dailypennsylvanian dot com with questions, comments, or concerns.

Let the blogging begin!