The rodent victim himself.
Most of you were probably too wasted this NSO to notice, but amidst the merrymaking and sloppy grinding, tragedy struck the Penn campus.
The body was first discovered late Monday night near the Bridge Cinema. Approximately one pound in weight, the Philadelphia native was seen earlier that night stumbling across Walnut in a drunken stupor, solo cup in paws.
Thought to be alcohol-induced, the incident is being investigated by several interested students with camera phones. Although an autopsy has yet to be performed, this blogger knows death by jungle juice when she sees it. That’s one squirrel you won’t see before bio class on Wednesday.
There is a lesson to be learned from this misfortune: maybe we could all be a little smarter about our alcohol intake.
On a college campus, making sure you stay under your limit just isn’t cool. “Dude, I was so shitfaced!” is exclaimed with pride, not shame.
Believe me, I understand. No one wants to be the kid wearing the lanyard around his neck measuring out the vodka in his screwdriver with a shot glass. But I bet you’ve never seen that kid puking in the elevator or slumped over a frat house couch with smudged Sharpie penises scribbled on his face.
Maybe your image will suffer a little if you’re not the guy taking thirty fifty-cent drinks at MarBar, but there’s also the possibility it will suffer more if you are that guy. Which is going to look worse, politely declining your eighth cup of jungle juice ladled from a trash can, or ending up with your face in a trash can? Besides, no one thinks you’re funny when you fall down in the middle of the dance floor… trust me, I’ve been there.
So please, Penn, if you won’t drink less for yourselves, do it for the rest of us. Oh, and guys? Can you stop getting the squirrels drunk?
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September 4th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Nice style, Chaia, and very well written! It’s a rarity to find someone who can couch deeply important social issues successfully in a humorous anecdote and still make their point succinctly; you’ve succeeded. Hopefully, your peers will “get it” and won’t become dead squirrels.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Good job! As a nationally syndicated writing and multi-published author it is nice to see that students can find issues of importance in what some may deem trivial. I have been there and done that, too but beware of abuse and excess. Follow the “golden mean,” all things in moderation.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
hahaha i like the phrase “death by jungle juice” a lot.
i keep getting an image of some slam poet named
jungle juice reciting a poem entitled “death”…
September 5th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Ahhh yes, welcome back to The Spin!
September 5th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Humorous take on a serious subject. Isn’t that the way it is? We all enjoy the stories on Monday morning on how silly the weekend was and how much fun was had, while some were in their cups. Ah, the memories of others. thanks for reminding us that life is full of measured risk.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Nice!
You are a natural born leader!
MORE!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Brilliant, funny and so wise too. And loved the pic! You Rock!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Brilliant, Funny and so wise too. And I loved the pic! You Rock!