Easily-understood Ikea assembly instructions include a grand total of zero words in English.
Fast forward ten months and I’m moving in. YES!!
Unforeseen blessings discovered upon move-in included… The mold on my ceiling! The lack of central air! The spiders! Oh, yes, the spiders were so happy to have me. I was in store for many precious gifts.
The first gift I received was that of familial harmony. Yes, my parents and I were afforded the opportunity to spend twenty-six consecutive hours together in a small, sweaty bedroom. Parental involvement is at best a mixed bag.
Beware: your parents will absolutely love hating everything about your new digs. Nothing brings a family closer together than 1000 variations on “What was wrong with the high rises, William?”
My parents and I also really bonded over the little surprises in my new home, like cleaning the shovel-loads of mouse crap off my windowsill and taking bets on when in October I’d die of asbestos poisoning. (My dad said the 20th. I said I wouldn’t make it to Yom Kippur.)
But out of all the gifts from my off-campus move-in, I will most remember the Ikea furniture. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t at least a little duct tape on my desk chair and book shelves, but I feel really blessed that somewhere in Sweden, the obnoxiously rich Mr. Ikea sits closing his eyes and smiling to the heavens as he leans back in the chair he didn’t buy at Ikea on the rug he didn’t buy at Ikea while wearing a designer suit he took from the wardrobe he didn’t buy at Ikea. Oh Ikea, thank you for bringing my family together to celebrate furniture with names like “Moses” and “Sultan”! Where would I be without you?
Yes, three days after starting my move-in, I sit in Williams Hall searching online for someone to deliver my bed, install an air conditioner, and, of course, set up my Internet and cable.
Oh, off-campus housing, you are a sexy tease.
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September 8th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
[...] to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with living in squalor. As long as you are living harmoniously in [...]
September 9th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
[...] So please, shut up about the food at Commons. Because I just finished a brie burger fresh off the grill. (That’s right, a brie burger — Commons has French cuisine.) Where else in the world can you enjoy Szechuan chicken stir fry, vegetable tofu rice, sloppy joes, pasta with fresh sauce, and brie burgers in the same meal? Commons has more variety than your mother ever did, more cultural awareness than the University itself, and more little surprises (chocolate cake by the deli station!) than, well, off-campus housing. [...]