Writing my first blog post has been an excruciating and intense mental struggle. This is not due to writer’s block. To say that I have writer’s block would imply that I don’t know what to write about. I know exactly what I want to write, the problem is that I’m too lazy to write it. It’s not my fault though.

I have a disease.

Summeritis is a very serious disorder that has infected countless returning college students nation-wide. Symptoms include the inability to engage in any strenuous physical or mental activities, the tendency to forget that we have to take classes while we’re in school, and most commonly the severe weakening of the body’s muscles and joints resulting in long periods of lying in bed.

Initially, I suffered from the normal symptoms that infect most other victims. I slept a lot and any sense of urgency for the upcoming academic year was noticeably absent. Then the turning point came…

“Hey Dave, you wanna go out tonight?”
“Nah.”

There was no class the next day, I had gotten more than enough sleep, and I was in a relatively good mood. Yet I refused to go out and party because of sheer laziness. It was at this point that I knew I had a serious problem.

I am now in the process of treating the disease. The best form of treatment is to become overly fearful and paranoid of the possible consequences of continued summeritis.

For example, if I continue to do nothing about my summeritis, I will be too lazy to attend class and study. This will cause my grades to become decreasingly lower until I eventually fail and drop out of school. After I drop out, I won’t have any friends to help me financially because I was too lazy to hang out with people, thus resulting in the end of several friendships. So I’ll live with my parents for the rest of my life. While my parents will reluctantly happily support me financially, at that point my summeritis will be so severe that I’ll be too lazy to open my mouth and consume food, resulting in my tragic death.

So the lesson here, kids? Stop being a lazy bum. Or else you’ll die.

Tags: disease, laziness, loser, summeritis

This entry was posted on Monday, September 8th, 2008 at 5:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.