There’s a pretty little lady here on campus I’d like to blog about.

Her name is Lady Commons, and we’ve been together since late last August. She is always open and takes care of me almost as well as my mother does.

Sitting here with Lady Commons, there is no war, no genocide, no Lifetime Network. My dutiful research assistant, Chris DiFeliciantonio, and I are in perfect company.

You see, the Man likes to give Commons a hard time, but 1920 Commons is an underappreciated beacon of hope on this overworked campus of ours. Commons looks the Man in the eye and says “Fuck you, Man.”

Mainly, Commons cares. Commons cares about me more than any professor ever will. At Commons, I am actually greeted with excitement (“How you doin’ baby?”) and sent home with a smile. If my professors showed as much enthusiasm for their subjects as Commons does for its noble calling, I’d attend my lectures. And Commons is more popular than any professor; people don’t wait in lines as long as the one at the stir fry station for anyone’s office hours.

Plus, Commons has more personality than the average Penn professor.

Commons is sexy — the skylight and candelabras keep the mood just right. Commons is eclectic — food from most continents within feet of each other. Commons is caring — my mother didn’t invite a nutritionist to dinner twice a year. Not only that, but Commons is as accomplished as the best Penn professors — where else have you eaten off the plates of Olympic chefs?

So please, shut up about the food at Commons. Because I just finished a brie burger fresh off the grill. (That’s right, a brie burger — Commons has French cuisine.) Where else in the world can you enjoy Szechuan chicken stir fry, vegetable tofu rice, sloppy joes, pasta with fresh sauce, and brie burgers in the same meal? Commons has more variety than your mother ever did, more cultural awareness than the University itself, and more little surprises (chocolate cake by the deli station!) than, well, off-campus housing.

I have always found that people are friendliest at Commons, probably because of the endorphins released upon one’s entry into the sanctuary of succulence. Did your mother make a fresh batch of hundreds of cookies most days of the week in high school?

So please join me in praising the sexiest vixen here on campus. 

Lady Commons, I salute you.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.