You’re a sophomore at Council Rock High School North living in quaint Bucks County, Pennsylvania. You’re bored.

By the time you reach fifteen, alcohol is old news.

You experiment with some marijuana, dabble in some DXM from a half-bottle of Robitussin left over from when your little brother had a cold,  and begin your high-school-long quest for a “totally awesome high.”

You want something stronger, but not too hardcore. There’s no way you’re trying coke (your friend’s cousin tried it once and had a massive heart attack and died) and you’re afraid that the guy outside of the Wawa near your house is going to shank you if you ask him again where you can get some OxyContin.  You don’t have much hope.

But then, one day, as you are casually browsing the inter-web (read: googling “buying drugs online”) you find it.

Snurf.

According to Urban Dictionary, Snurf contains DXM, just like that cough syrup you once knew and loved. The website you read also claims that it will affect you just like Ecstasy (Methylenedioxymethamphetamine).

You call your friends and “dude, they are SO in.”

Forty bucks, a few weeks, and two class-periods later, you find yourself puking in the emergency room in St. Mary Medical Center.

We won’t say we told you so.

Needless to say, the community is taking this incident very seriously. Police are conducting an investigation along with Mark J. Klein, Superintendent of the Council Rock School District, who claims that he “did the Google and found out more than we needed to know about [Snurf].” ( My goodness, Klein, do you really think it was necessary to do the Google?)

So, suburban thrill-seeker, next time you want to buy drugs on the internet… well, don’t.  But if you REALLY want to, at least don’t take them at school.  But if even THAT is unavoidable, switch to a different school.

Try one in West Philly; something tells me that they won’t have police and news reporters there every time a student tries a pill with a silly name. And they certainly would never do the Google.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.