I am a huge fan of any sort of get-rich-quick scheme or other shrewd gimmick that is based on falsities or striking fear in consumers. My opinion is that if you can somehow coax someone into buying a ridiculous product, then you deserve their hard-earned $19.99.
In the past, these ploys were limited to getting paid to shop (after you pay $9.95 for membership), earning FREE MONEY, and buying the Hannah Montana 2: Non-Stop Dance Party CD for $20.
But lately ridiculous purchases have infiltrated the aisles of our precious pharmacies and are the basis for entire stores. Of course, I am referring to the lucrative vitamin and supplement industry.
When recently walking around The Vitamin Shoppe on 17th and Chestnut, I was overwhelmed by the ever-increasing variety of brands and types of supplements that I was unfamiliar with. What was more disturbing was watching customers dump dozens of bottles into their shopping carts and shell out over $100 at checkout.
Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with taking a Flintstone multivitamin in the morning to complement your Frosted Flakes. But many vitamin users have teetered on the brink of self-medication when it comes to selecting what pills to take.
I have often seen boys hold their noses and swallow some Mass XXplosion (not to be confused with diarrhea) before lifting weights at the Pottruck gym. Apparently, humans were unable to develop muscle until they discovered Nutrex. Cro-Magnon man was an atrophied wimp.
One of my personal favorites is Omega-3 Fish Oil (”Eye of newt?“), which according to many not only reduces high blood pressure, but also has the capacity to ameliorate cancer, epilepsy, schizophrenia, depression and psoriasis. “Robespierre,” the blogger of Living in Narnia, swears by this supplement and affirms that its effects are comparable to those of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.
But who am I to judge? So what if the effects of all of these elixirs are psychosomatic? Maybe Omega-3 Fish Oil would cure me of all my ails if I only believed it could.
In the meantime you can find me at the pharmacy counter paying for something more hardcore.
Tags: Frosted Flakes, get-rich-quick, Lexapro, vitamins
An RSS feed of The Spin is available
September 19th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Wow. You must either really have nothing to write about, are terrible at research, or have an immense propensity to spew unadulterated BS about things you know nothing about.
If you really wanted to make a point about the vitamin/supplement industry, it would’ve have been much better for you to make an example out of something on par with your content: say, for example, a high-dose garlic regimen to prevent the much-dreaded vampirosis.
Too bad studies have indicated that Omega-3 fatty acids can help with, among other things, problems associated with CVD, High BP and hTG.
Also, last I checked, it’s still not kosher to ridicule those on anti-depressants.