Look out for Chip, Fluffy and Rufus. They have school spirit.

According to IvyGate, Dartmouth’s unofficial mascot (you’d need one too if your team was called the Big Green), Keggy the Keg, is missing.

Born in 2003, Keggy was the product of an unsuccessful search for a worthy Dartmouth mascot.

While I don’t want to be disrespectful and hurt any Dartmouthians’ feelings by writing an early eulogy for Keggy, I think it would be appropriate to honor his memory by coming up with some possible unofficial mascots for Penn.

Let’s be honest, guys. “The Fighting Quakers” just doesn’t cut it.

Potential Mascot #1: The Button. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who doesn’t like the button. Little kids like climbing on it, drunk undergrads like rolling around under it. A guy (or gal) dressed up as a bent, white button = adorable!

Potential Mascot #2: The Egg Lady in Commons. If Dartmouth gives us attitude on Saturday, this lady knows how to throw it right back in their faces. Especially if they ask for the scrambled eggs.

Potential Mascot #3: AlliedBarton Security Guard. If his neon yellow shirt doesn’t scare the competition away, his netherregions will. The Penn AlliedBarton Security Guard always stands for justice… and indecent exposure.

Potential Mascot #4: The Cupcake-Making Frat Boy. Does anyone else find it weird that Cupmakes was founded by a KA brother? He must be very in touch with his feminine side, or just very good at marketing to women. A good businessman? A perfect Penn mascot!

Potential Mascot #5: The Squirrel. The Penn Squirrel is truly a creature all its own. Leaping out of trash cans, jumping on unsuspecting Walk walkers (I saw one jump on a lady in a wheel chair once) and sneaking into sorority houses (sadly mine), these rodents exert their control over the Penn community every day. Arm them with light sabers and presto! Instant mascot.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 at 9:39 am and is filed under Ivy League, Penn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.