Derrr. Excuse me, professor. I have a long, unrelated question to ask you.

It’s nothing you haven’t thought before. I am sick, and I am tired of the boys and girls who cannot keep their hands down in lecture.

This semester, I’m very lucky: I have two of them in the same lecture. They love to arrive early to class and have a conversation from opposite sides of the room, and they talk specifically as if everyone else in the room is intently listening to them.

I’m actually hoping that the two people I’m referring to read this, because they know exactly who they are. Additionally, it will save me the breath when I inevitably tell them in a week or two that they are completely insufferable and they constantly detract from the flow of the lecture.

Now, I don’t hate them because they have really annoying voices, and it’s not that I just dislike a good question that leads to some discussion.  I despise the inquisitors for two reasons, and two reasons alone:

1. Their questions often are too tangential to actually shed any light on whatever matter is being discussed.
2. They proceed to answer their own questions after they already received an answer from the professor
 I’m convinced that the class time-waster is never really looking for an answer, but rather that they’re just looking for an outlet to let the rest of the class know what they’re thinking. Often, they like to do this four to five times per lecture.

There are so many simple solutions to not asking ANY questions while you’re in class:

1. Write down your aimless questions and e-mail them to the professor.
2. Realize your question doesn’t benefit anyone (including you) and forget about it.
3. Look it up yourself at a later time that doesn’t impede on the rest of the students’ learning experiences.
4. Don’t come to lecture.
5. Cut your hands off, so that it is impossible to ask wasteful questions.

There, loudmouths. Now, the next time you consider referencing Freud during a discussion on Socrates’ Apology, you’ll know how to control yourself.

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