1. Every single issue is exactly the same. Looking at a year’s worth of covers, August 2007- August 2008, every new issue will apparently teach me the wonders of sex.  In April I can learn how to be a “SEX genius,” in May all my “Naughtiest SEX Q&A” will be answered, and if I flip back to January I will find out the secrets of “DIRTY SEXY SEX.”

Of course, I can find comfort in the variation between issues in the beauty section.  Some will provide insight on “fab hair” while in others the focus is really more on “bed-me eyes.”

2. It’s demeaning to women. This really shouldn’t require an explanation, but what the hell.  Men get awesome magazines like Esquire, that, while still indulging in articles about beautiful women and alcohol, manage to fill a good portion of the magazine with meaningful and witty articles. I am a woman. I enjoy more than eyeliner, celebrity gossip, and giving amazing blow jobs. Which brings me to my next point…

3. It’s still demeaning to women, but for a different reason. The magazine is devoted to man-pleasin’.

From articles that explain why texting a guy too much can be annoying, to headlines like “The Hottest Things to Do to a Man With Your Hands,”  and “Arouse him like crazy!” half of the articles are instruction manuals to please your man.

Not only are these articles sexist and pathetic, they’re also totally unnecessary. I don’t know about you guys, but I think a penis is pretty self-explanatory.

4. It smells terrible. I hate perfume samplers. They give me a headache.

It’s all true.  I hate Cosmopolitan with all my heart. So why can’t I put this issue down?

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