College. It’s said to be the most selfish time. You’re wrapped in the minutia of your personal life- what you’ll eat for breakfast, what you’ll get on your econ exam, what you’ll do on Saturday night and what you’ll wear when you do it. It’s so easy for us to fall into that dark, narcissistic pit. We seem to fit so perfectly inside our snug, egocentric cocoons.

But then why is the metamorphosis so agonizing? If leaving the nest is an organic, meant-to-be kind of thing, then why is it so scary, challenging and painful?

When you’re young, you’re not expected to fend for yourself. Someone else cleans and bandages your scraped knees.  Someone rubs your tummy and makes you tea as you contentedly watch Full House reruns. Someone is ready with a tissue to dry your tears.  And when you mess up, someone is there to reassure you that it’ll all work out.

And it’s not until those magical helping hands disappear that we begin to miss them.

Those of you whose parents employed the sticker-chart tactic know what I’m talking about. “Was little Tommy a good boy today?” was invariably answered with a smiley face, despite the two broken lamps in the den and the “accidental” haircut from hell he gave his baby sister.  But does your Orgo professor display the same kind of loving impartiality? No. You got that “F” because if you didn’t work for an “A,” no one was going to do it for you.

All our lives we’ve relied on others and, for many if not most of us, they’ve always come through. And once grown up and on your own, it hurts like hell having to realize that, at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can’t let you down.

But because men are social beings, we will continue seeking companionship and people we can count on, despite those painful, adulthood lessons. We will grow up, become independent and try to recreate that cushy, childhood safety net. And when that bough breaks-when our efforts fail and people disappoint us-our hearts will too.

So what do you do?

You accept the pain. You acknowledge the risk, grit your teeth and go forth. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way, you’ll find someone or something you can count on. You’ll remain confused about a thousand things in life, but devote yourself, unceasingly, to one thing or one person and never look back. And all those scraped knees, failed tests, stupid mistakes and broken hearts — they’ll all stand behind that one precious thing you’ve discovered, and make it worth the while.

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