Halloween, Old Hallows Eve, was historically the night before All Hallows’ Day, or All Saints’ Day.  It was a time of religious festivities, and the Church celebrated the day as the Vigil of All Saints.

In a strategic move to modernize the Church, Pope Benedict XVI anounced last week at a press conference that, starting this year, the outdated vigil will be replaced by a world-wide costume competition. Pope Benedict urges all members of the Catholic church to “go all-out, be creative, and really try to get as sexy as humanly possible.”

He recommends costumes like the “naughty nun,” “Adam and Eve,” and his personal favorite, the “angel fantasy adult costume.”

Women nationwide applaud Pope Benedict XVI’s new liberal policy regarding this archaic holiday. A student at Emmanuel College, a Catholic liberal arts and sciences school in Boston claims that she plans to “forego creativity and go straight to slutty” by dressing as a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

Nancy Hagen, a housewife and mother of four from nearby Lancaster County, says that she is “glad that someone in the church is finally supporting women’s rights” and that she is excited to wear her “hot cop” costume to her church’s Halloween Bazaar.

In the closing statement of his announcement, the pope advised his viewers to try not to eat too much the day before All Saints’ Day (to avoid bloating), to be prepared with plenty of double-sided tape, and to keep an eye on their drinks.

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