As you may or may not know, Advance Registration ends on Sunday.
If you are anything like me (read: huge nerd), you find these two weeks among the most exciting in the semester. For exactly 14 days, I am filled with wide-eyed optimism about the opportunities the next semester will bring, conveniently disregarding the fact that even the most interesting and enjoyable classes entail work that I never feel like doing, spending money on textbooks that I never feel like reading, “midterms” that occur approximately every 20 minutes and professors who make me feel like I should not have passed kindergarten.
One of the greatest things about Penn is that there are hundreds of courses to choose from, ranging across a breadth of subjects, and there are hardly any restrictions on what you can learn.
One of the worst things about Penn is that it adheres to the 168-hours-per-week schedule that the rest of the world tends to follow, making it difficult to manage all of the courses that sound attractive in such a limited amount of time.
Therefore as a public service I have decided to draft a Penn Course Cipher that will help decode the often-overwhelming Course Register and equip you with the appropriate tools for selecting the best spring semester schedule possible.
1. “Introductory course.” This phrase typically indicates that the corresponding course involves reading several chapters from the most monotonous textbook ever written on that particular subject, which is likely to have been written by the course’s professor (large classes mean a large commission). No matter how much or how little you prepare, your grade on the final exam will be a crapshoot.
2. “GEOL 100.” Introduction to Geology. Also known as “Rocks for Jocks.” This course exists solely for the purpose of fulfilling the Physical World sector requirement in the College for those of us who served our physics sentence in high school and refuse to look back.
3. “In-depth analysis.” Be sure you like the topic of the course before you enroll — do you really want to take a course that explores the annals of accounting for four hours per week?
4. “FNAR 280.” Sexually frustrated? Curious? This may be the course for you! For three hours each week you get to look at naked people without the fear of incidentally infecting your computer’s hard drive with a virus.
5. “PHYS.” Do not enroll.
So click your way over to the **NEW** Course Search & Schedule Planning application and then to Penn InTouch to pollyannaishly request courses for what could be the greatest four months of your life.
And in two weeks, when you discover that you did not get into any of them, feel free to resume your typical routine of complaining and feeling dissatisfied.
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