I need a babysitter.

Not for my kid. No, my kid is doing fine.

I need a babysitter for me. And I need one, well, I needed one just yesterday morning.

And so I’m here to openly give a new business idea to an (overly) ambitious Penn student: Penn Oversleeping Prevention Services (POPS).

You see, oversleeping is a major problem on our campus. We work hard. We play hard. And so we sleep a bit too hard sometimes.

For me in particular, oversleeping is a major problem. In the midst of a rough damn-near zero hours of sleep week, I missed my… 1:30 pm class. That’s right. I woke up at the classy hour of 4:30 pm. In the process I missed an oral presentation (whups…), office hours, and the deadline for the very blog you are reading now.

True, all of this could have been avoided with better time management, but that’s not going to happen for any of us. And there are probably other ways I could work on not oversleeping so severely and detrimentally. But, as they say, a lifestyle is a terrible thing to waste.

I’m not interested in changing the game. Or the player. No, I’m interested in giving the player, a.k.a. myself, an assist.

And thus I present to you: POPS, Penn Oversleeping Prevention Services.

Who’s the brave soul willing to put out capital? Here’s your business plan:

1. Wake up calls. This is the basic service. But as someone who has tried this with his parents, this is usually just not enough. For those truly guilty oversleepers…

2. Dorm room/off-campus house visits. Housemates have their own schedules and can’t be guaranteed to be home at your desired wake up hour. That’s why we need paid assistants to enter our homes and wake us up.

3. Coffee, shower, and bed-making services. Naturally, these options should be available for a small fee. I take mine black with three sugars.

4. The ultimate service: The Morning Coach. I don’t know about you, but I straight up need someone yelling at me the entire morning, from wake up to coffee to shower to out-the-door. Because when you’re unbearably exhausted you will literally fall asleep in the shower, on the toilet, while shaving, reading your e-mail, or eating breakfast.

Please, Penn Student Agencies, I nominate you for this fine service.

Because I need a babysitter.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 21st, 2008 at 11:06 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.