When I was younger, my mother used to take me and my three brothers to the Sussex County Fair. Every summer I’d convince everyone that I could handle the nausea-inducing, spinning teacups ride. But I was always mistaken. I would smile as I got on, but as soon as the twirls began, I would cling to the sides of my seat with whitened knuckles and scream. Yeah. I was that kid.
I no longer react that way on rides. But sometimes I still feel like I’m reeling. Like there was one summer, one ride, after which I never recovered. I kept on swirling, staggering through the too-quickly paced haze of an over-stimulated, over-programmed college-bound kid’s life.
We all spun through that haze. Sports teams, music lessons, student government, newspaper committee, college bowl, Russian tutor, blah, blah, blah. But now we’re here. We finally made it into Penn. So why are we still reeling?
Why am I so tired that I can’t remember what day it is when I wake up? Why is my head so full of information that I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth? Why haven’t I had time to do the last two months’ worth of reading for any of my courses?
I’ve overextended myself. Overestimated my flexibility and underestimated Penn’s ability to stretch me thin. We need four or five classes a semester- at least. Meetings for five extra-curricular committees. Time for the gym, meals and study buddies. Oh, and time for friends and happiness, too.
So I guess I’m just wondering: does this carousel ever let me off? And is it the carousel’s fault? Or mine? Is this who we are because we’ve chosen to be? Is this what makes us happy? We’re used to the exhaustion and we let it mount. But is that a good thing?
Maybe now, at this juncture in our lives, after all the rushing and cramming we’ve done, and before the late nights in the office begin, maybe now’s the time for a pause. Maybe it’s time to just relax and think. To quit thrusting ourselves into the world around us, so that we can just examine the world within.
I’m in a position to take on a major responsibility for the coming academic year. A really time-consuming responsibility that would look great on any resume. But I think I’m going to pass on it. This is my time. My time to be selfish. Yours, too. And I think you should give it some thought.
An RSS feed of The Spin is available
December 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Yeah, great post. I totally agree. I am studying abroad this semester and don’t have to do jack shit. My day consists of sleeping through class in the morning, hitting the beach at 2, and then going out at night. It feels like an eternal summer. I realized now, only after taking time away, that the routine at Penn is insane.