Van Pelt, you are my bitch lover.

You spit in my face and yet I spend most nights in your pleasantly warm arms. I take naps on your couch but your food tastes like shit.

We were so much closer when we started hanging out last fall. You were new, exciting. You still smelled good.

Now, I’m starting to see your age. You haven’t had a good cleaning since the sixties. You have stains everywhere. You smell like Qdoba.

Perhaps in my wide-eyed freshman glee I idealized you too much, Van Pelt. Or perhaps you took advantage of my youthful innocence and forced me into something before I was ready.

Still, you were the beacon of academia, representing everything that was right with my liberal arts education. Yet, once I discovered Fisher Fine Arts Library, I started to stray. I cheated, sometimes spending two nights a week with The Other Place. You need some gothification.

Van Pelt, you shame the good name of Melvil Dewey. Wireless has been a joke all year. “PAGE LOAD ERROR” is all you ever tell me. Why aren’t we talking anymore? Who is this new partner, “Air PennNet-Guest”? I thought I was your only guest.

Your recent printing troubles bring tears to my eyes. I accept that the printing system can go down one night. But to be down for days? Come on. How can you expect me to respect you when you don’t even respect yourself? You’re a mess. Wash your face. Put some fucking makeup on. You need a shower, Van Pelt.

And Rosengarten is embarrassing. Books are out of order and missing for weeks on end. If I’m not going to buy my course books until today, I need to be able to count on you. You need more copies or a time limit on how long someone can have a reserved book even in the reserve area.

Finally, like last Spring, you’ve decided to close the Undergraduate Study Center the Friday and Saturday nights before finals. I don’t care if you call me Four Eyes or Nerdzo, I need you those nights.

But I know the reason you treat me like shit, Van Pelt.

It’s because like demented clockwork, I keep coming back despite the abuse. Until I stand up for myself, you’ll continue to alternatively slap my ass and face.

When will I learn?

I deserve better than you, Van Pelt.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.