One of the candidates I have to choose from

As one of many out-of-state students at Penn, I plan to submit an absentee ballot in this year’s general election.

I’ve put a lot of thought into deciding who I want to be president, and having recently made my decision, I was ready to vote and excited to have gotten my absentee ballot in the mail the other day.

I opened the envelope, and looked at the ballot. Crap.

Not only am I expected to vote for president and vice president, but also for two congressmen, 8 justices, a handful of county officials and six state constitutional amendments that I know nothing about.

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Do you, Mrs. Fields?

Oh Facebook. Monopolizer of procrastination, apparent facilitator of statutory rape and, wait, catalyst of campus politics?

Ditching its reputation for superficial communication via bumper stickers, Facebook is starting to play a role in Undergraduate Assembly policy.

At last Sunday’s UA meeting, representatives discussed a proposal that would extend the move-out deadline in the spring to allow students more time to pack after finals.

The UA started working on the proposal after a Facebook group was created that expressed students’ frustration with the previous move-out deadline of 16 hours after finals. The UA is proposing that students get 40 hours after finals to pack up their stuff and leave to let Housing and Conference Services pick up their trash.

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Bar full of Trojan ad execs?

After visiting the beds of universities across the nation, Trojan Condoms has come out with its annual Sexual Health Report Card.

The report, available on the Trojan website, evaluated 139 schools based on “the availability of sexual health resources and information” for students.

Fortunately, Penn ranks fairly high, coming in 21st. You may now go forth and spread your seed confident that you have plenty of resources on campus to help in case you get syph.

While the information that Trojan’s research provides is helpful for increasing sexual health awareness, more interesting to me was the section entitled “America is not a Sexually Healthy Nation.” My interest does not lie in the content of this section but in the purpose of including this section in the report card.

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Look out for Chip, Fluffy and Rufus. They have school spirit.

According to IvyGate, Dartmouth’s unofficial mascot (you’d need one too if your team was called the Big Green), Keggy the Keg, is missing.

Born in 2003, Keggy was the product of an unsuccessful search for a worthy Dartmouth mascot.

While I don’t want to be disrespectful and hurt any Dartmouthians’ feelings by writing an early eulogy for Keggy, I think it would be appropriate to honor his memory by coming up with some possible unofficial mascots for Penn.

Let’s be honest, guys. “The Fighting Quakers” just doesn’t cut it.

Potential Mascot #1: The Button. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who doesn’t like the button. Little kids like climbing on it, drunk undergrads like rolling around under it. A guy (or gal) dressed up as a bent, white button = adorable!

Potential Mascot #2: The Egg Lady in Commons. If Dartmouth gives us attitude on Saturday, this lady knows how to throw it right back in their faces. Especially if they ask for the scrambled eggs.

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Who would want to see this, anyway?

September has been a very fickle month for Harry Potter fans.

First, it was announced that the sixth film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, will not be released on the previously-announced date of November 21, but during the summer of 2009. Apparently Warner Brothers was worried they wouldn’t make enough money next summer without it. Greedy meanies.

Now, it has become apparent that tickets to the Broadway show in which Dan Radcliffe drops his pants, Equus, are going to be a little bit more expensive than his fans had anticipated. $126, actually, in order to be six rows away from the action on the night that HP6 was originally scheduled for release. That’s one big Bludger to the wallet.

Thankfully, Hollywood is offering HP fans like you and me an alternative.

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I ♥ my orgasm button.

Full Disclosure: I’m a member of one (ok, two) groups bringing I ♥ Female Orgasm to campus.

It is because of this fact that I have been enlightening unsuspecting Walk walkers about the event being held this Tuesday at 7 in Meyerson B1.

Publicizing I♥FO is a unique experience, to say the least. Of course it’s awkward bringing up a topic that is usually only mentioned in Cosmo. But everyone’s reactions make it worth the embarrassment.

The look on people’s faces when I say “orgasm” is priceless. I’ve seen quite a few jaws drop during the past week. I’m pretty sure a member of the football team strained his neck when he turned to look at me in shock (and I’m pretty sure excitement). And two guys literally ran away from a fellow flyerer.

But handing out flyers on the Walk has definitely been easier since I’ve turned it into a game. The objective: make people feel as awkward as possible. My favorite target: boys. Over confident, attractive, traveling-in-packs boys.

Oh yes. Never has walking on Locust with your bros been so dangerous.

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I cost this much.

In one of my Communication classes last week, the professor brought up something that caught my interest. Apparently, a lot of bloggers get paid to write positive (or negative) opinions about certain products or political candidates.

For example, Coca-Cola paid college students to blog from the Winter Olympic Games in Torino. The six students didn’t have to pay a dime for their plane tickets or hotel stays. However, each of the bloggers had to agree to keep their posts “positive.” Whatever that means.

Why am I not paid to blog? Am I to write about denim leggings and Verizon’s evil monster only for the public good? AT&T should send me a thank you note. Or check.

My work is read mostly by upper-middle-class alumni, parents and students — all within the range of the 18-49 golden demographic. Advertisers should be practically knocking down my door to get a piece of my precious bandwidth.

Besides the fact that being paid to blog on The Spin about a certain product or political candidate would be against the principles of journalism, and choosing to do so would probably result in the loss of a friend (my editor…), the income it would generate would help to pay for a couple outfits from Urban.

However, when I get past all the obvious perks, the idea of getting paid off to blog actually offends me.

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At least I know how to knit.

I was so excited when I finally got a new cell phone this summer. For once I was allowed to choose which phone I wanted instead of being stuck with the least expensive (and nearly always chunkier and uglier) model. Oh yes. Inside of that bland, brown FedEx package was a brand new LG enV2 laden with QWERTY keyboard, two megapixel camera and mp3 player.

As I turned my maroon masterpiece on for the first time, I dreamed of effortless text messages, high quality photos and easy music transfer from my computer to my phone. How easily dreams can be squashed.

The first two came true, but the third, oh the third, how it escaped me. As it turns out, the only way to get music on my phone is to buy it from Verizon’s VCast program. The enV comes with both USB and microSD ports, but it is not possible to simply plug the phone in to a computer and transfer songs from iTunes or copy them from a microSD card.

I should have known better.

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It’s here! It’s here! Fashion Week is here! And if you aren’t cool enough to be a magazine editor, celebrity or insanely lucky (aka rich) person, all you can do is read about it.

But don’t be jealous; all you’re missing are fifteen-minute shows bogged down by open bars and gift bags. New York still happens to be steamy right now, so even if you got to sit next to the Olsen twins, you wouldn’t be very comfortable (in addition to the obvious reaction of being scared for their health).

I should also mention that the shows feature Spring 2009 collections. Yes, Spring 2009. On the eve of a long and ominously cold winter, I do not need to be teased by skimpy outfits I won’t be able to wear until June, or May if I’m lucky.

Despite all of New York Fashion Week’s oddities, there happens to be another fashion event that manages to be more ridiculous. New York Pet Fashion Week.

Yes, it exists. (more…)