In a New York Times poll released last week, New Yorkers finally talked to pollsters about something they don’t with each other: September 11th.
Nearly a third of New Yorkers think about the September 11th attacks every day, according to the poll (PDF). Another 17% think about the attacks once a week. The other half of New York thinks about them “once in a while.”
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| 9/13/01-Union Square, NYC (Eric Obenzinger) |
Despite the fact that we think about it so frequently, New Yorkers rarely talk to anyone about that period in our lives. Even our closest friends and loved ones are subject to this dusty cloud of silence.
I don’t quite know why we don’t talk about it. Part of me thinks that we simply don’t know what to say. Another part thinks that we are embarrassed at how much it has affected how we think.
In our silence, an array of mental “ticks” have evolved. Our lives and our city have become riddled with small triggers that spark a memory, sink our stomachs, fill us with guilt or flood us with anger.
For example: I am terrified of sirens, though I have never told anyone this before. The entire morning of September 11, 2001 was filled with the non-stop wail of sirens rushing downtown past my high school. Time, distance and joining a fire department have not gotten rid of the terror that creeps up my neck whenever I hear a nearby siren.
Many of these mental triggers developed in the year after September 11th, when we thought about the attacks so much that other things were pushed from our minds. Our memories were so sharp that they hurt us.
This September 11th, as on every, we are told to “never forget.”
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| 9/13/01-Union Square, NYC (Eric Obenzinger) |
To avoid the sin of forgetting, nearly five years ago I decided to write every memory I had about the attacks. The narrative is 16 single-spaced pages.
When I finished writing this shining example of post traumatic stress, I was proud. Now that it was all written in excruciating detail, I would never have to worry about forgetting.
Several years later, I find myself sometimes wishing that I could forget. Perhaps things would be simpler or easier.
On previous September 11th anniversaries, I used to fulfill the obligation of remembrance by re-reading my 16-page narrative and a few magazine specials.
I am going to ignore all of that this year. Instead, I will look at some of my photographs, a few of which are posted here. You can click on them for larger images. They were taken near my high school on September 13th, 2001, at Union Square Park in Lower Manhattan. My school had just re-opened and I was on my way to class. As I walked out of the subway, the familiar sight of the World Trade Center was replaced with a dense haze. I had watched them burn from the same spot two days before. Now the air smelled of fire.
The park–all 3.6 acres of it–was completely covered with memorials. Stunning, creative, spontaneous and heartbreaking memorials. Yet, unlike our memories, the memorials were eventually carted away.
Still, I would rather remember the memorials. Memorials are more beautiful than memories. That’s why we build them.
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| Child’s note. 9/13/01-Union Square, NYC (Eric Obenzinger) |
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| Missing posters. 9/13/01-Union Square, NYC (Eric Obenzinger) |