Apparently, our generation is lazy. Or at least too serious to expend precious brain cells making ha-has anymore.

A columnist at LSU, Caitlyn Scott, bemoans our growing laziness, but not because of decreased productivity or initiative. No, instead — in “Rickrolling shows laziness of generation” — she writes that the laziness problem is actually most easily illustrated by this no-longer-new internet meme:

The rickrolling phenomenon leaves me with one burning question: Is this the direction practical jokes are headed?… Will dipping a sleeping friend’s hand into lukewarm water no longer be the established way to prank?

Heaven forbid we put the old hand-in-warm-water prank to rest. Nothing funnier than a dampened bed sheet!

(For the uninitiated: rickrolling involves misleading people to the YouTube video of the 1987 Rick Astley hit, “Never Gonna Give You Up,” by disguising the link as something relevant. How’d I do?)

Granted, rickrolling takes much of the creativity and effort out of pranks, but good old-fashioned pranking is still alive and well — especially among students.

(more…)

You wouldn’t know it from watching the tabloid-ready circus that passes for a debate these days, but politics is serious business.

Politicians lie, cheat, and frequently contradict themselves — all in the name of winning. Don’t listen to your mother; any politician will tell you that it is whether you win or lose, and — sorry to say — it doesn’t matter how you play the game.

You know those kids in school, the really annoying ones who whine to the professor after class because they’re quite sure their Lacanian analysis of Harry Potter deserved a solid A, not an A-minus? There’s a name for them: grade grubbers.

Presidential candidates are just like those Type A students — only it’s votes that they’re after, not grades. And — to get those votes — they will do anything from color coding their lecture notes to sleeping with the professor.

(more…)

Every morning, approximately 2.5 million women with a “voracious appetite for what’s next, new, cool, and must-have” receive a Daily Candy e-mail newsletter in their inboxes.

I possess no such appetite, but I get DC Philadelphia anyway — mainly because I derive some sort of sick pleasure from reading about clothing and spa treatments that cost more than my apartment.

So imagine my surprise when the latest Daily Candy Weekend Guide included this — smack between limited edition “cutesy” tees and a “brunch and shopping” event:

Glock Day
What: Free rentals and range time, discounted memberships, and crazy deals on Glocks — Philly’s gun of choice.
Why: It’s how Charlton Heston, God rest his soul, would’ve rolled.
When: Sat., 10 a.m.-7 p.m.
Where: Philadelphia Archery & Gun Club, 831-833 Ellsworth St.

Shoes, gruyère omelettes, sea salt facials, and… guns? One of these things is not like the others.

But this was no joke.

(more…)

Quakers, are you ready for your close-up?

It’s all eyes on Pennsylvania, and the entire Clinton clan swooping through campus one by one is only the beginning.

Since — as Eric reported — you showed no kindness to MC Rove (who would?), I thought a guide on how not to treat your future political guests might come in handy.

1. Don’t throw pie. Seriously, that’s so 1914. Yet just five years ago, Nader was pied while endorsing Camejo, a Green Party candidate in California. Camejo then attributed the attack to the Democratic Party’s jealousy of the GP’s growing popularity. Wait, what? Okay, okay — if you need to pie someone, Nader is an excellent choice.

(more…)

Eavesdropping on undergrads isn’t a hobby, really, just a by-product of working at Penn.

As a point of fact, half the stories I overhear on campus start or end with some variation of: “I was so drunk.” This is often offered as an excuse or explanation for behavior that is ridiculous, rowdy, embarrassing, or — I’ll grant you this — occasionally hilarious.

But it turns out you can’t blame your especially enthusiastic Soulja Boy routine on Coors Light alone.

In a series of studies in the 1970s and 1980s, students were given — over the course of about an hour — either five icy tonic waters or five vodka tonics, without knowing which was which. The results?

(more…)

Just beyond the confines of University City, there are people who couldn’t be further from the stereotypes that define the Penn student body. A people without UA, or SASgov, or even the oft-impersonated SPEC. They call no government their own, and don’t ask to be taken to their leader, because they don’t have one.

Who is this mysterious tribe? They are the anarchists of West Philadelphia, and there are more of them than you might think.

(more…)

“You can lead me to college, but you can’t make me think,” proclaims a shirt reportedly popular at Duke.

How true — and how sad.

In a recent class of mine, one student would ask “will this be on the test?” all throughout the semester, nearly every time something especially complicated was discussed. If the answer was no, she fell silent. Only if the answer was yes did she feel like it was worth following up: “Could you explain that again?”

Grade-obsessed students like this one will surely graduate, but they’ll leave with an expensive piece of paper and some nice numbers, not an education.

In a society where competition is rewarded and “intellectual elitist” is a scathing slur, it’s no wonder that some treat college like a tollbooth: choose a lane, pick up your diploma, and drive off. E-Z Pass is available for everyone, of course.

(more…)

All the hullabaloo about Philly being the sixth borough has mostly died down, but apparently there are still New Yorkers relocating to Philly in droves (including Pressler herself).

According to a recent article in The New York Observer, 8,334 New Yorkers have moved to Philly since 2001. Not including me, that’s still 8,333 southbound souls.

While that’s only about 0.1% of New York’s population overall, 8000+ transplants are more than enough to keep the “Chinese bus” in business and the demand for Tacconelli’s strong.

And to think, I fancied myself unique.

Why the mass migration? And — more importantly, for those of us who favor a little competition: which city wins?

(more…)

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, you might be thinking about about where to take your SO, or just where to wine and dine the person who happens to be on your arm for the night.

I probably don’t know you, so I can’t make any great recommendations. But — with the help of Philadelphia’s restaurant inspectors — I can prepare you for the night in a way that Hitch never could.

(Warning: Please stop reading now if you’re squeamish at the thought of a fly in your soup, because that will be the least of your concerns. )

(more…)

It’s not every day you see those sweatpants traded in for tailored suits and shoulder pads.

Last week, as I watched students march down Walnut in appropriate business attire, I wondered how soon they (you?) would be making more money than our fine new mayor.

How much does Nutter make? That’s public information: $186,044.

Depending on who you are, you might be wowed or seriously underwhelmed by that number. But if I may offer the moderately knowledgeable opinion of a Regular Working Person: that is a relatively measly sum for someone with what is — almost inarguably — one of the most difficult jobs in the county.

The catch, of course, is that salaries are in no way decided by how hard a job is — assuming such a thing can even be measured. (Imagine: seventh grade teachers and coal miners would be buying homes in Greenwich and summering in Tuscany.)

Of course there’s nothing easy about the 80-hour weeks recent grads put in at i-banks. But — upon graduation — Wharton undergraduates command an average starting salary of $108,509 (that’s base salary + signing bonus + annual bonus). 100 grand!

Pardon me while I peel my jaw up off the floor.

(more…)