The solution is clear.

Lots of change seems to be happening on the east side of campus.

And while there are always construction workers tooling around our sidewalks in their impressively loud and obstructive life-size Tonka trucks, this past semester saw a great increase in the number of overall-clad workmen roaming from Walnut to Spruce. We all know about the Palestra’s summer makeover, and we’ve heard murmurs of revamped athletic facilities due to grace campus by 2010.

But I’m still wondering, why all this construction and still no solution?

You see, the way I look at it, the greatest problem facing Penn students today is congestion. That’s right. The need for speed. In this dog-eat-dog world, where a college student has to pencil “personal hygiene hour” into his schedule, timely travel is a priority.

Every day I find myself cursing the non-New Yorkers among us, who just can’t seem to shuffle down Locust fast enough for me. There are simply too many people in too small a space. And with the recent graduation of the only unicyclist on campus, things aren’t getting any better.

Thus, I call for change. Rather than budgeting an ungodly amount of money for a new tennis facility, it’s time Amy Gutmann put a little aside for the solution.

Ziplines.

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