Today, as of 4:20 pm, 527 Wharton freshman have just gotten their lives back.

This could mean only one thing …

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Question:

What’s got this many Penn students lined up at 9 a.m. in the morning? (Hint: It’s NOT for Ben Kweller tickets.)

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Sometimes when you’re with a friend from a dual-degree program, it almost feels as if they quietly carry this sign with them:

Sadly, I have only one degree, one concentration, and some of my Huntsman/M&T friends never let me forget it.

Not all dual-degree students are cocky. Despite her humility, fellow writer Jenny Zhan is taking way too much unwarranted criticism for her column in today’s DP.

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To all male students in the School of Engineering, math majors, or those living in Kings Court, I present you with an image you may have yet to see in person:

Hold on boys, don’t get too excited now. Keep both hands on the keyboard where I can see them.

This was one of several objects of obsession of Diexia Wang, the Penn senior arrested recently for allegedly stalking females and stealing dozens of undergarments .

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Apparently not at Dartmouth. But could Penn students find her?

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Some of the Ivy League dailies need to get their priorities straight.

You know things are messed up when you win the prestigious Rhodes Scholarship and isn’t a featured story on the home page of your very own college newspaper.

(Insert picture of Rhodes Scholarship winner Joyce Meng…oh wait, there is no picture online)

There either must be some serious haters out there running papers across the Ivy League, or the Rhodes Scholarship isn’t quite what it used to be.

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According to the Huffington Post this week, Ivy League faculty are donating more campaign dollars to the Democratic candidates than the Republicans by an overwhelming margin.

I argue there is a fundamental question we in Ivy League are forgetting to ask:

WWCND – What would Chuck Norris do?

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Venture capital — noun
one of the few areas of finance where it is socially acceptable to make a boatload of money and still claim you are “saving the world”

Alternate definition - What Al Gore does in his spare time when not spreading awareness of ManBearPig
Slang - VC, Venture cap

Video presentation of Al Gore describing ManBearPig at a presentation at Irvine last week

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When I opened up my email yesterday to see the time of my group meeting, one member had sent the group a disturbing message. I managed to obtain a copy of this correspondence and reproduced it below. I can confirm that it is indeed authentic.

I can’t make it guys. I’m going to the Lehman Brothers presentation at 7pm

Ladies and gentlemen … this poor baby is only 19 year old.

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I’m a senior with time on my hands, so I read the news so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s news at Penn . . .

Buy

Ivy League entitlement: As we engage in what has come to be an annual debate every November on the meritocracy of Early Admissions, legacy applicants continue to successfully justify how being conceived from the sperm (or egg) of a Penn alum is a perfectly fair and objective measure of their academic ability.

No more diversity training: With the recent failure of diversity training at the University of Delaware, diversity is the new hot topic in today’s issue of the DP. After DuBois college house was deemed the metaphorical “whipping boy” (no pun intended) for culture-based residential programs at Penn last week, the American Indian Cultures residential program, East Asia House residential program, and the Latin American residential programs all breathed a collective sigh of relief as they went unnoticed for doing the exact same thing.

Sell

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