Because this is my last blog, I feel compelled to be somewhat reflective and introspective, with an eye towards my future years at Penn.

Luckily, an article in The DP today reminded me of the one thing about being a sophomore I am looking forward to the most: no frickin’ meal plan. I can cope with the neglect and meaninglessness that comes with being sophomoric as long as I don’t have to touch a Commons cheeseburger again.

Bland flavors, inordinate prices ($13 a meal), and lackluster service (besides Ms. Anita, of course). The ability to lambast Penn Dining at the drop of the hat is basically a rite of passage for freshmen, so I won’t bore you with a diatribe.

However, I did find the response from Laurie Cousart, director of Business Services, particularly amusing. In response to these trite criticisms, Ms. Cousart said,

“We believe meal plans connect students to their College Houses [and] other students.”

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Thanks to Diamond, the nude magazine possibly bound for Penn in the near future, students will no longer have to imagine what that cute girl in Econ looks like naked. They’ll know.

(Of course, the same goes for the obnoxious girl in Psych and the infrequent bather in Physics.)

‘Tis the utopia that Matthew M. Di Pasquale, a Harvard senior, imagines.

Di Pasquale is the creator and editor-in-chief of Diamond, the controversial magazine that will star nude or semi-nude Harvard students. And, fortunately for us, he wants to publish a Penn edition of the magazine starting next year. If he solicits models in the same fashion that he did at Harvard, all you ladies can expect a dignified email requesting nude photos of “all hot Penn girls.”

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“I feel like shit.”

That was the response from a source within AlliedBarton, who wishes to remain anonymous for job security reasons, when I asked about his feelings on the annual bag check policy.

Though the bag checks started less than two weeks ago, enthusiasm amongst the guards has noticeably waned. Most of the time, they haphazardly glance at the backpacks as students walk by. Sometimes, they don’t bother to look at all.

Additionally, the AlliedBarton source expressed discontent over not getting paid more per hour during the weeks leading up to Spring Fling, even though he has to work overtime with less break time.

He said that this policy is different from last year, when he made roughly a dollar more per hour. Larry Rubin, spokesperson for AlliedBarton, was “not aware” of any change in policy in regard to more compensation for employees.

This isn’t the first time that AlliedBarton has come under scrutiny on Penn’s campus.

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This is the first part of a two part series examining the University’s problematic bag check policy. Today’s blog will focus on the problems from a student perspective. Next week, I will concentrate on the employee’s perspective.

Spring is in the air. The sun is shining, frisbees are flying, and students’ backpacks are being searched.

On Thursday (three weeks and one day before OK GO plugs in their treadmills), the University commenced prohibition the annual bag check policy in preparation for Spring Fling. Students must now open their backpacks so that no alcohol is brought into the Quad. This is to “ensure that the experience is a pleasant a memorable one” for me. (They may actually have a point about an alcohol-free Fling being more “memorable.”)
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After having a recurring observation or performing an inexplicable action, I often brood over the most pressing existential question to ever face teenage sit-com characters: am I weird?

Below are a few thoughts I have had over the past few weeks. Ideally, you, the reader, will comment and let me, the blogger, know if we have a shared musing or if I’m just weird. Let’s make this relationship work.

1. Shortly after I facebook stalk someone, they will inevitably appear in real life. I’ll see someone on Locust Walk, and their Facebook profile seems to appear over their heads, as I quietly judge them for their laughable music taste (Nickelback? For real?), embarrassingly contrived profile picture (your heavily-Photoshopped default with your eyes gazing to the far left is neither unique nor hip), or their “Hot or Not” application (if you have to ask, the answer’s “not”). Occasionally, I will meet someone for the first time in reality, even though I have already seen an entire album of their dog wearing clothes. I suspect that this new acquaintance remembers that “Dude, Where’s my Car?” is listed as one of my favorite movies. Neither of us mention anything.

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On Friday afternoon, a text message (followed by an e-mail and a phone call) put my mind at ease. The UPenn Alert system was fully functioning.

The Penn Police have taken a giant leap into the 21st century. They plan to text us if there is a campus emergency. This is wise, as our generation invented the text message break-up. The new strategy is also convenient: now I don’t even have to take out my earphones to know that there’s a shooting rampage.

So, the new alert system got me thinking about all the ways my life at Penn would be easier if the University sent text notifications for more than just violent emergencies. Here are a few examples:

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A new student group has emerged on the Villanova campus: the Students for Concealed Carry on Campus. The SCCC (which I hope is pronounced “sick-kuh-kuh”) is an umbrella organization that boasts nearly 20,000 students on 500 campuses nationwide. In the wake of the Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois school shootings, they are fighting for the right for students to carry concealed weapons on their college campuses.

Their argument is simple: if granted proper permits, students should be allowed to protect themselves against would-be shooters.In the Inquirer article, Ken Stanton, a graduate student at Virginia Tech, compared wearing a seat belt to carrying a concealed weapon. He said, “It’s the same reason we wear seat belts - we just don’t know when something is going to happen.”

With great respect to Mr. Stanton, I’m not aware of too many seat belt massacres and, typically, a lengthy background check is not necessary to acquire a seat belt. (more…)

The race for the Democratic nomination has officially gotten ugly.

In neighboring Norristown, Pa. last Thursday, Jose Ortiz stabbed his brother-in-law, Sean Shurelds, after a political dispute while the two were watching the Democratic debate. Shurelds, an Obama supporter, complained that Clinton was “trashing” Barack unfairly. Ortiz, a staunch Clinton backer, took offense. Shurelds recalls the conversation as follows:

Shurelds: Obama is winning this thing!
Ortiz: He can’t win, be realistic.
Shurelds: Let’s see how realistic you are when he wins.

With that brilliant last retort, there’s no doubt that Shurelds won the war of words. But Ortiz, whose candidate proclaims she is a “fighter“, then took matters into his own hands by plunging a kitchen knife into his brother-in-law’s stomach. Shurelds sustained spleen, lung and diaphragm injuries. Ortiz is in county jail and if convicted of felony assault, could face a more serious injury: disenfranchisement.

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I was always scared of homeless people.

The ragged clothes. The odor. The crazed expressions. As a child, I would stare at them and pick up my pace a little.

This attitude is easy to adopt and hard to shake. On your first few days as a Penn student, the mentality is reinforced. We all know the maxims and anecdotes: Don’t wander too far past 40th. Always travel in groups. Remember, a girl got shot a few years back.

This isn’t to say that Maureen Rush and the good people at the Department of Public Safety don’t have the best intentions. We don’t live in Ithaca or Hanover. It is no coincidence that Penn has the fourth largest private police force in the nation.

However, it is wrong to assume that homeless people are our enemies (especially when our “allies” seem indistinguishable).

We, as Penn students, should occasionally climb down from our Ivory Tower and take advantage of our unique environment. West Philadelphia should serve as a constant reminder of the harsh realities of the real world. There are an estimated 25,000 homeless people in Philadelphia, roughly half from West Philly.

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The University has announced that Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York (as if our NYC inferiority complex wasn’t apparent enough) will be the 2008 commencement speaker. Considering that Jodie Foster spoke two years ago, this is very good news.

But not so fast.

This the same Michael Bloomberg who, despite numerous reports and signs to the contrary, has consistently denied that he will be running for President as an independent candidate. Could we get stood up?

Much like the nationwide speaking tour that fanned the flames of his rumored White House aspirations, Bloomberg has begun speaking around Penn’s campus. In his first scheduled stop, he addressed several hot-button issues, “The dining hall employees are bitches. The high-rise elevators are too slow. Most importantly, there are tremendous sexual inequities, with Wharton and Engineering students getting figuratively, not literally, screwed.”

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