It’s not every day you see those sweatpants traded in for tailored suits and shoulder pads.

Last week, as I watched students march down Walnut in appropriate business attire, I wondered how soon they (you?) would be making more money than our fine new mayor.

How much does Nutter make? That’s public information: $186,044.

Depending on who you are, you might be wowed or seriously underwhelmed by that number. But if I may offer the moderately knowledgeable opinion of a Regular Working Person: that is a relatively measly sum for someone with what is — almost inarguably — one of the most difficult jobs in the county.

The catch, of course, is that salaries are in no way decided by how hard a job is — assuming such a thing can even be measured. (Imagine: seventh grade teachers and coal miners would be buying homes in Greenwich and summering in Tuscany.)

Of course there’s nothing easy about the 80-hour weeks recent grads put in at i-banks. But — upon graduation — Wharton undergraduates command an average starting salary of $108,509 (that’s base salary + signing bonus + annual bonus). 100 grand!

Pardon me while I peel my jaw up off the floor.

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Last Friday, a teen sex scandal hit Allentown, PA involving two girls, one cell phone.

The girls, 14 and 17, are students at Parkland High School, and the cell phone was used to take photos of both in pornographic poses. The images were subsequently spread via text message to approximately 40 Parkland students and then to the “wider world.”

Those are just the facts. I’ll pause for a second so you can laugh, cry or call your Allentown-area little sister to make sure she’s just a recipient.

But moving on, this story disappointed me for a few reasons. The first is that it reinforces the voyeuristic nature of adolescents, something we’re all too familiar with here at Penn. You probably remember about two years back, when an Engineering student posted photos on the Internet of two students having sex by an open window in the high rises (in the process redefining the term “glass blowing“).

This high school porn outrage isn’t much different, and both stories prove our incessant need to study biology outside the classroom. One Parkland student even created a Facebook group (”Parkland…Where Porn Stars Are Born”) to canonize the event. Good luck on internships, kid.

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“This is America. When ordering, speak English.”

So reads the now-infamous sign in the takeout window at Geno’s Steaks, where you used to be able to order a cheesesteak without a side of backwards politics. The sign — probably offensive and definitely stupid (after all: if you can read the sign, you can probably speak English) — led to a June 2006 civil rights complaint from the Philadelphia Human Relations Commission.

That’s all old news — or so I’d hope. Philly certainly doesn’t need anymore bad PR, especially when it doesn’t even represent the dominant attitude on the ground. But the Commission’s glacial pace has dragged this ordeal out for well over a year now, and — in lieu of either punishment or closure for Geno’s owner Joey Vento — they have provided instead a year of free publicity and a national spotlight. While the original sign was only seen by Geno’s patrons, images of it now appear all over the internet.

Xenophobic conservatives across the country have rallied behind Mr. Vento, labeling the City’s complaint as persecution and even going so far as to dub him a folk hero.

Yikes.

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Graduate and realize: Penn’s like a friendly panhandler. You don’t know if he needs the money, but he hits you up so nicely (and so often), eventually you just give in.

OK — nothing like an exaggerated metaphor to start my Spin blogging career. In truth, I only get a monthly Penn fund reminder, and projects like the Postal Lands or a new Hill Field College House are worthy investments.

But as a potential donor, I’ve got to be honest — reading the paper makes me put the checkbook away. Any given day last year, I’d hit up The DP front page and see a student arrested for theft. For cybercrime. For panty stealing.

Living in D.C., it seemed like The DP added a rotating “Student arrested for ____” Mad Libs feature, filling the blank with a new and more exotic crime every few weeks.

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“Ahhh!” screamed my friend as she glanced out the window of Leidy Labs.

“What,” I asked, “A security guard flashing someone?”

“No,” said the Californian, “it’s snowing!”

Yes, we got our first real snowfall today. It makes me so happy, I just wanted to share this cute, winter-y photo with you all.

But still no place to sled … Come on, Penn! You really need to get on that.

Today in the Daily Pennsylvanian, Maureen Rush compared the recent crime spree at Penn to a bad George Clooney movie.

Three students arrested, two shootings, and two flashings. It sounds like the makings of a Penn version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. Hopefully in the next week there’s four embezzling scams and five bikes stolen, so we can keep this thing going. But Rush sees the recent crime spree differently.

The crimes are “the perfect storm,” said Vice President for Public Safety Maureen Rush.

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Dear Penn Community,

As your Supreme Commander and new member of mayor-elect Michael Nutter’s transition team, I wanted to explain how Penn will contribute to this new administration. This list is not exhaustive. But it should give you a feel about who will be representing Penn in Nutter’s administration in the coming years.

Chairman of the ‘Philicon’ Valley Commission — Ryan Goldstein

Don’t think Philadelphia’s got the goods to be the next high-tech hot spot? Then you haven’t met Ryan Goldstein! Only a junior at Penn and already forging global computing cooperation, reaching out to the internet’s best and brightest, and still passing “Ethics and Social Responsibility for Engineers.” He will make AKILL-er appointment.

Deputy Mayor of “Safety” Initiatives — Rafael Robb

If I could describe this former economics professor in one word, it would be “honest“. With “hardly” a blemish to his name, he’s got the best plan to lead this city to “security.” Toe the line “Killadelphia,” or you might get Robb-ed!

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Today’s nostalgic account of the trial beginning for the “screwdriver bandit” of yesteryear really tickled my insides. Remember when we used to joke about the ridiculous shit West Philly criminals pulled? Now, there can be no lighthearted jokes — rape and GSW’s are just not that funny.

In light of the fact that the early action pool of applicants has dropped 1.5% this year, Penn really needs to create some positive press. “Junior Indicted in Hacking Scheme”? Try again.

If the University won’t do something drastic, the responsibility inevitably falls on the shoulders of its students. Call me trite, but if we care about our university, we must be a part of the solution to its declining appeal to incoming students — if at least to protect our $150,000 investment here. My suggestion: march on Gutmann’s house and demand that one day’s worth (2 million dollars) of the Capital Campaign funds be dedicated to buying out Club Wizzards.

Let’s get creative here. Instead of sitting back and complaining about the state of affairs, let’s take action — the more ridiculous the better. That way we can be sure to gain a spot on the 10 o’clock news, instead of the panty thieves, hackers and rapists. Who’s with me?

And you thought the Water Buffalo incident was ridiculous.

Apparently, Philadelphia Weekly published a cute-animal-themed-holiday guide a few weeks ago. The merits of such an idea are questionable, but not relevant here. What’s relevant is the front cover of that magazine, which you can see here.

If you’re not a hyperlink-clicker, I’ll just explain it to you. It’s a hamster with those little curly sideburns, wearing a yarmulke, pawing a dreidel. Get it? It’s a Jewish hamster.

Which is, obviously, heinously anti-Semitic.

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Thar be treasure all ’round, if ye know where to look.

Why, I found a treasure chest just in the bakery section of the oft-maligned Fresh Grocer:

Go around the country and order a “Philly” cheesesteak. Very few places can even come close, and the number one shortcoming is in the roll. It doesn’t seem like it would be so hard to replicate, but the taste of these mockeries proves otherwise. Have these people even been to Philadelphia?

So for just 50 cents you can have the envy of the nation. Mmm mmm, there’s nothing I like better than getting me some steak and onion and cheese to go with them and frying up some local pride.